movie film review | chris tookey

Drive Angry 3D

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  Drive Angry 3D Review
Tookey's Rating
6 /10
Average Rating
4.57 /10
Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner
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Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Patrick Lussier

Released: 2011
Origin: US
Colour: C
Length: 105

Pleasures don’t come any guiltier.
Reviewed by Chris Tookey

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A title like Drive Angry 3D promises fast car chases, fights and explosions, and that’s exactly what you get. The 18 certificate means that there’s also plenty of female nudity and an enormous number of limbs being blown off.

So many unsavoury items come hurtling at you from out of the screen that you might consider wearing not only 3D glasses but a hard hat. As if they doesn't make enough racket, the score resembles a pitched battle between Lemmy from Motorhead and Suffolk’s favourite Satanic rock band, Cradle of Filth.

The film has been engineered – I hesitate to say created - by people whose idea of entertainment doesn’t extend beyond gratuitous sex and exploding body parts, and who probably burn offerings to Quentin Tarantino. It’s about as far away as you can get from the films of Merchant Ivory.

This is a movie where the leading man continues copulating with a noisily appreciative, silicon-breasted blonde while smoking a cigar and massacring a dozen Satanists with an astonishingly powerful gun. There’s realism for you.

Cops are casually slaughtered, and numerous people shot, maimed and endangered through high-speed driving. I have a feeling Jeremy Clarkson will like it a lot.

Nicolas Cage plays – or overplays – John Milton. This is not the 17th century puritan poet or anyone remotely like him, but a demented figure of vengeance who’s escaped from Hell. Since Milton is already dead, bullets and beatings can not kill him, though for some mysterious reason he still likes to have sex and drive fast. I suppose some appetites never leave you.

His mission from beyond the grave is not merely to drive muscle cars, murder and fornicate as noisily as possible, but to save the baby belonging to his dead daughter, who was killed by a satanic cult led by quasi-messiah Jonah King (Billy Burke). Jonah and his hillbilly hordes are intent on sacrificing the babe at the next full moon, presumably in order to bring about the Apocalypse and finally give us all some peace and quiet.

Meanwhile, Milton is being pursued by a fast-driving emissary of Satan, called The Accountant (William Fichtner, very funny and, compared with everything else in the movie, weirdly classy). His idea of amusement is to deliver withering insults and butcher anyone who stands in his way while maintaining a deadpan expression, like a psychopathic Jack Dee.

As a generous concession to voyeurs, Cage befriends a violent, foul-mouthed but physically not unattractive young lady (Amber Heard, pictured). She has feminist issues with men who make sexual advances to her, yet seems to have assembled a wardrobe entirely consisting of hot pants.

At the end of one and three quarter hours of more-or-less non-stop carnage, Cage announces “I am finished”. It is uncertain whether this refers to his career or his credibility. It would be nice to think he’s talking about clearing his debts and going back to making films that aren’t meretricious trash.

One thing’s for certain. As long as people go to the cinema in search of deafening noise, sickening violence and macho excess, there will be movies like Drive Angry 3D. I’m ashamed to say I rather enjoyed it.

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