movie film review | chris tookey

Smurfs 3D

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  Smurfs 3D Review
Tookey's Rating
2 /10
Average Rating
3.32 /10
Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Sofia Vergera
Full Cast >

Directed by: Raja Gosnell
Written by: J. David Stern, David N. Weiss, Jay Scherick and David Rionn Based on a story by J. David Stern and David N. Weiss

Released: 2011
Origin: US
Colour: C
Length: 103

Smurfing hell.
Reviewed by Chris Tookey

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Why do smurfs know only one song, and why is it so annoying? Why are there 99 male smurfs and only one female? Why is she played by Katy Perry, who doesn’t sing in the movie and certainly can’t act? Considering these questions was the one thing that kept me awake during 103 minutes of contemptible tripe.

Let’s name names. The director, Raja Gosnell, was responsible for Big Momma’s House and two Scooby-Doo movies. The four writers have, between them, created the excruciatingly unfunny Daddy Day Camp, National Security and Norbit. So what do you expect? Entertainment?

The plot is a charmless rip-off of Enchanted, with little blue creatures chased out of a cartoon smurfland and into a live-action New York by a wicked wizard. To play him, Hank Azaria dons a big false nose, super-sized teeth and overacts so frenetically, it’s as though he’s hoping no one will recognise him. As he chases after them, the smurfs say things like “Oh, this is not good at all!’ These days, everyone’s a critic.

Depressingly for a film aimed at very young children, the one idea of the writers is to be as crude as possible. So we get such lines as “Where the smurf are we?”, “we’re up smurf creek without a smurfing paddle” and “smurf happens”. At one point, the word becomes synonymous with vomit, as in “I think I just smurfed in my mouth”.

There are is also a keen interest in flatulence (“Who smurfed?”), drugs (characters muse on what smurfs do with their magic mushrooms) and sex - the one smurfette has her skirt blown up around her waist, like Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch.

There is also some of the most cynical product placement ever seen in a motion picture.

So there you have the ingredients that some Hollywood executives deem essential to modern family entertainment: sex, drugs, the cruder bodily functions and crass commercialism.

Very small children may overlook the crassness of the script, cheapness of the gags and desperate mugging of the actors. Most older people will know exactly what this is: a huge, steaming pile of smurf.

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