movie film review | chris tookey
 
     
     
 

Three Musketeers in 3D

 (12A)
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  Three Musketeers in 3D Review
Tookey's Rating
2 /10
 
Average Rating
4.11 /10
 
Starring
Milla Jovovich , Logan Lerman , Ray Stevenson
Full Cast >
 

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson
Written by: Alex Litvak, Andrew Davies based on Alexandre Dumasí novel

 
 
 
Released: 2011
   
Genre: ACTION
SWASHBUCKLER
ADVENTURE
REMAKE
THRILLER
COSTUME
   
Origin: Germany/ UK/ France
   
Length: 110
 
 


 
There have been at least twenty film versions of Alexandre Dumasís swashbuckler Three Musketeers, with Richard Lesterís 1973 romp usually regarded as the best. Paul W.S.Andersonís new remake must be the lousiest.
Reviewed by Chris Tookey

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This is partly down to the screenplay, a wretched mixture of poorly written exposition and unfunny comedy. James Corden, currently amusing audiences in the theatre, is so dismal here that I kept wishing someone would guillotine him.

Andrew Davies, a master of period drama on TV, is credited as co-writer, but I canít believe any of his dialogue has reached the screen. In the ultimate in hubris, the movie even cheats us of a decent ending and threatens us instead with a sequel.

Previously reliable actors such as Christoph Waltz (as the scheming Cardinal Richelieu), Matthew MacFadyen (as the disillusioned musketeer Athos) and Mads Mikkelson (as the one-eyed Rochefort) seem content to take the money and look vaguely embarrassed.

Inferior thesps such as Logan Lerman (a colourless, surfer-dude DíArtagnan, pictured), the directorís wife Milla Jovovich (vapid when she should be mysterious) and Orlando Bloom (a useless drip as the dastardly Buckingham) give performances that would get them drummed out of the average school play.

Saving graces include the lavish costumes, widescreen photography and French architecture, even though the film was shot in Germany; but, sadly, the feel of the film owes more to steampunk comic strips, the game Assassinís Creed and lacklustre sequels to Pirates of the Caribbean.

Low-quality 3D and phoney CGI diminish the excitement still further.

Andersonís previous offences against cinema include Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Death Race. In view of the classic source material that this vandalises, The Three Musketeers is his most regrettable atrocity yet.


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