movie film review | chris tookey


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  Trespass Review
Tookey's Rating
1 /10
Average Rating
3.30 /10
Nicolas Cage , Nicole Kidman , Cam Gigandet
Full Cast >

Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Written by: Karl Gajdusek

Released: 2011
Genre: SO BAD
Origin: US
Colour: C
Length: 91

Don’t go there.
Reviewed by Chris Tookey

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Trespass is a crime, and so is this movie. Apparently Nicolas Cage (pictured left) walked off the set and is refusing to watch the finished product; the biggest mystery is why he ever walked in front of the camera in the first place. The film is so bad it could – watched with likeminded friends and a plentiful supply of alcohol – be downright hilarious.

Cage, wearing a wig that resembles the family cat nailed to his head, is at his farcical worst as a greedy, fast-talking diamond merchant married to the sexually frustrated Sarah – that’s Nicole Kidman (pictured right), whose face seems immobilised by Botox or possibly disbelief. She screams and cries a lot, as if veteran director Joel Schumacher has taken her hostage. After 91 minutes, you may feel the same way.

Cage’s luxurious but weirdly security-free home is invaded by a masked gang so dim-witted, it’s a miracle they found the right address. Much over-acting ensues.

Worst offender is Jordana Spiroz, a strong contender for Most Annoying Performance of the Year as a junkie stripper who takes off her clothes, smokes crack and then whines "Do you think because you're rich, you’re better’n me?”

A close runner-up to Cage as Worst Actor is the reliably disastrous Cam Gigandet, as the same useless hunk he’s played before in The Unborn, Burlesque and The Roommate.

But Cage carries the day, helped along by the ludicrous script from first-timer Karl Gadjusek. There is a certain amount of guilty pleasure to be had from watching Cage become unhinged and shout about “FILTHY LUST”, but mostly you wish he’d shut up. My favourite moment came when Cage responded to a gun pointed at his head with the memorably unspeakable line “Do you know anything about the etymology of the word ‘diamond’?”

The screenplay, which is essentially Panic Room for imbeciles, goes in for red herrings that might conceivably fool a sardine. The one aspect I did like was the high-tech mansion, which I badly wanted Kirstie and Phil to show us round, as it was so much more interesting than any of the hysteria within it.

Trespass isn’t serial bad-movie-offender Schumacher’s least watchable film. That honour goes to either Batman & Robin or The Number 23. But it’s still amazingly terrible.

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