movie film review | chris tookey
 
harsh reviews
An A to Z of the World's Deadliest Movie Reviews From Affleck
to Zeta Jones
SELECT VICTIMS BY INITIAL LETTER OF SURNAME
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 
Ben Affleck
Actor, Forces of Nature (1999)
The movie is a dead zone of boring conversations, contrived emergencies, unbelievable characters and lame storytelling. Even then it might have worked at times if it had generated the slightest chemistry between Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock, but it doesn't. She remains winsome and fetching, but he acts like he's chaperoning his best friend's sister, as a favor.
(Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
Actor, Forces of Nature (1999)
The movie is a dead zone of boring conversations, contrived emergencies, unbelievable characters and lame storytelling. Even then it might have worked at times if it had generated the slightest chemistry between Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock, but it doesn't. She remains winsome and fetching, but he acts like he's chaperoning his best friend's sister, as a favor.
(Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
Affleck's character has all the personality of a medicated sloth.
(Mr Cranky, Mr Cranky Rates the Movies)
Ben Affleck scarcely bothers to struggle, in a role that makes him look like a talentless lump. Alongside Sandra Bullock, he looks bemused and depressed, like a sane man finding himself on a blind date with Julie Burchill.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Actor, Reindeer Games/ Deception (2000)
Replacing Affleck as the lead couldn't have hurt in immediately improving it. He didn't fit the part, looking collegian and clueless throughout the entire film.
(Dennis Schwartz, Ozu’s World Movie Reviews)
Ben Affleck trudges through the thing with a bemused expression, like an American footballer comprehensively failing to master the rules of cricket.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Actor, Bounce (2000)
The movie never really works because it's hard to root for a screen romance when one of the actors is stiff and unsympathetic.
(Edward Guthmann, San Francisco Chronicle)
Affleck is oxlike in a role that requires him to turn from boorish to sensitive. He can manage the first part.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Actor, Pearl Harbor (2001)
Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale give performances of such somnambulist awfulness that the three of them achieve an almost zen-like state of woodenness. This is bad acting above and beyond the call of duty; this is Purple Heart bad acting.
(Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
Ben Affleck is like a larch in uniform, and his attempts at deep emotion are laughable (the moment when he realises his best buddy has been sleeping with his girl brings the house down). Those who detected homo-erotic overtones in Top Gun will squeal with delight at this movie, whose two male leads are shot as though for the cover of Gay News, and are clearly less in love with the girl than with each other and their throbbing engines.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Actor, Gigli (2003)
Gigli is supposed to be a dim bulb at best and no one captures dim better than Ben. When he's up on screen, furrowing his brow in yet another doomed attempt to emote, one vainly attempts to find some light behind the oddly and persistently vacant eyes, some spark, a flicker, a glimmer, even, of a nascent sentience attempting to make contact with the outside world. Alas, it is a fruitless search and one is once again back on the dark side of the moon. The man is outacted by his hair, though to be fair, it is a fabulous pompadour, aggressive in a millennial way and sculpted with the care and craftsmanship usually reserved for Rococo excrescences.
(Andrea Chase, Killer Movie Reviews)
Ben and J-Lo are no Tracy and Hepburn - they're more like the Sean Penn and Madonna of Shanghai Surprise. And their movie is just as rotten as that one.
(Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
Lopez and Affleck should fire their agents. Or take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror.
(Jane Stevenson, Jam! Movies)
A hopelessly misconceived exercise in celebrity self-worship.
(A.O. Scott, New York Times)
It's hard to imagine how Ben Affleck, told to abduct an autistic kid but unprepared for how darned cute the mentally handicapped are, could have delivered a more inept and charmless performance.
(Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
Affleck, called upon to play someone stupider than himself, goes even deader behind the eyes than usual, and when emoting resorts to the kind of facial spasms that won him jeers of joyous derision at screenings of Pearl Harbour.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Actor, Paycheck (2003)
The search for Ben Affleck's career was abandoned last night due to poor weather and visibility, but will be resumed with air-sea rescue helicopters at daybreak. He's clearly been taking his handsomeness lessons pretty frequently, and may even have a handsome coach on-set. He has got self-deprecating charm. Is there no one who can find this man a script?
(Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
Paycheck is a science fiction action movie about a brilliant engineer, inexplicably played by Ben Affleck, who looks more like a dodgy vacuum cleaner salesman. Yet again Affleck makes such a thoroughly boring hero that you wonder why he keeps getting employed. He trundles through the proceedings with a good-humoured smirk when trying to look cool, or a baffled air, like a mastiff given two contradictory orders at once, when he's being chased or shot at. Called upon to register existential panic, he goes blank. Director John Woo's one original idea is to make Affleck look like Cary Grant in North by Northwest - not a good scheme, since it invites profoundly unflattering comparisons.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Actor, Jersey Girl (2004)
Affleck may be a nice man, but he has a seemingly congenital inability to do anything convincingly.
(John Anderson, Newsday)
The good news is that Jennifer Lopez’s character dies in the first 20 minutes. The bad news is that Ben Affleck lives.
(Thomas Delapa, Boulder Weekly)
Despite all indications that he would make a fun drinking buddy, Ben Affleck, teen idol, Oscar-winning screenwriter, can't act his way out of a paper bag.
(Chris Vognar, Dallas Morning News)
Affleck is out-acted by a month-old baby... Affleck’s ever-present vanity is such that even when reduced to being a humble street-sweeper, Ollie always sports great jeans, torso-hugging sweaters with the sleeves pushed back just so, and freshly gelled hair - this robs Jersey Girl of pretty much all the emotional impact it no doubt hoped to have.
(Matthew Bond, Mail on Sunday)
Actor, Surviving Christmas (2004)
Ben Affleck's goose is cooked with Surviving Christmas, a movie that makes Gigli look like one of the crowning moments in his career.
(Jami Bernard, New York Daily News)
A crass, shrill and laughless disaster of a holiday comedy with a desperately mugging Ben Affleck that should be banned under the Geneva Convention.
(Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
Ben Affleck at his clumsiest (and there is no one clumsier) compounds the film’s problems by being supremely annoying whenever he most desires to be sweetly sympathetic. I kept wishing that Billy Bob Thornton as Bad Santa would come along with a baseball bat and put him out of his misery, and ours.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Ben Affleck trying to raise a laugh is about as funny and futile as Ben Affleck trying to raise the dead.
(Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
In this film-watching business you get used to typing out the words “Even for Ben Affleck...” while suppressing the urgent need to vomit. Anyway. Even for Ben Affleck, this desperately unfunny yuletide non-comedy is a brand new low. Doing that cheese-eating grin throughout, he plays a lonely yuppie ad exec - a favourite role - who pays a blue-collar family to pretend to be his relatives over the holidays. After Gigli, Ben's friends could have gently suggested a new career. But after this, the crisis has reached the next level. Someone with veterinarian's training might need to lead grinning Ben into a deserted car park with the humane killer concealed under their tarpaulin smock.
(Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
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