movie film review | chris tookey
harsh reviews
An A to Z of the World's Deadliest Movie Reviews From Affleck
to Zeta Jones
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Jerry Bruckheimer
Producer, Bad Boys (2000)
Sleazy, sadistic, foul-mouthed thriller-comedy - all too recognisably the work of producers Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer, who brought us such think-pieces as Top Gun, Days of Thunder and Beverly Hills Cop I, II and III.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Producer, Coyote Ugly (2000)
Our heroine cures her stage fright the way any sensible girl might do. She gets a job at a sleazy drinking club called Coyote Ugly, puts on skintight pants and a skimpy halter-top and shakes her diminutive protuberances at men on top of the bar, pausing only to pour water invitingly over her tee-shirt, or hurl ice at the customers whenever they attempt rape. Yes, I know that becoming a sex object is an unconventional way of overcoming stage fright; but then producer Jerry Bruckheimer has always had a problem distinguishing between female self-fulfilment and female degradation. Cheerfully downmarket trash aimed at teenagers, this is Showgirls without the nudity.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Producer, Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)
Schlockmeister Jerry Bruckheimer has somehow failed to live up to even his low standards with this depressingly boring film.
(James DiGiovanna, Tucson Weekly)
No one attends a film produced by Jerry Bruckheimer expecting art, depth or humanity. But fans of his, raised on previous Bruckheimer blockbusters such as Armageddon and Con Air, do expect a fast pace, big explosions, men behaving badly while high on their own testosterone, and semi-naked women on heat. Bruckheimer is, after all, the longtime business associate of that notorious Hollywood lecher and sadist, Don Simpson. All these bankable assets to a Summer hit are present and politically incorrect, but they aren't presented with the old vibrancy or enthusiasm. Could it be that Mr Bruckheimer is getting old?
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Producer, Pearl Harbor (2001)
Without contest, the most extravagantly bloated summer blockbuster in several years. The most expensive movie ever greenlit for release, it comes from director Michael ‘I Like Mindless Destruction’ Bay and producer Jerry ‘No I Like it More’ Bruckheimer (who collaborated on the dumbbell asteroid-hurtling-through-the-stratosphere flick Armageddon.
(Jamey Hughton)
Bay and Bruckheimer are far too patriotic to investigate why America was so unprepared for the Japanese raid. They are certainly not interested in recent evidence that the American authorities had prior knowledge of it, but negligently ignored it. Whether out of political correctness or because the people at Disney hope to flog this movie to the land of the rising sun, Bay and Bruckheimer do their best to whitewash the Japanese. Apparently, they had little choice but to launch a sneak attack on the USA. There's no mention of the imperialism that had led the Japanese to invade China, or their delusions of racial superiority. Those of you with relations who were tortured in Japanese prison camps may be surprised to see that the Japanese in wartime were, according to Bay and Bruckheimer, such humanitarians that they took time to signal to American children to get out of the way of the bombs.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Producer, Bad Company (2002)
Bruckheimer and Schumacher are a match made in heaven, two ardent practitioners of lowest-common-denominator filmmaking in one package, like getting two bad movies for the price of one, representing a savings of two hours out of your life.
(Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress)
"Welcome to my church, where we worship money,” says the film's Czech ghoul. Words fit for Bruckheimer.
(Ed Gonzalez, Slant Magazine)
Producer, Kangaroo Jack (2003)
Are there three words more calculated to strike apprehension in a critic's heart than "Jerry Bruckheimer presents"? The producer who brought us such stinkers as Bad Company and Gone in 60 Seconds now serves up a crass adventure-comedy starring a rapping, computer-generated kangaroo and three flatulent camels.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Producer, Bad Boys II (2003)
The latest collaboration between director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer, two filmmakers who bring out the worst in each other, is just as bloated and fatuous as their previous efforts.
(Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald)
What's most enlightening about Bad Boys 2 is this: you'll never see a better example of filmmakers' contempt for their audience.
(Scott Weinberg,
A hooligan's sadistic fantasy, efficiently directed by Michael Bay and lavishly produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. This is nasty, mean-spirited cinema aimed at lowering the lowest common denominator. It will make hundreds of millions. Is this kind of film harmlessly therapeutic for its audience, or does it encourage callousness and brutality in those who see it? I know what I think.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Producer, King Arthur (2004)
The latest and worst slice of would-be war porn from the producer of Pearl Harbor and Black Hawk Down. His name, a household one by now, is Jerry Bruckheimer, and I’ve long suspected that he’d cheerfully engineer Third World insurgencies if he could get Josh Hartnett to star in them.
(Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
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