movie film review | chris tookey
 
harsh reviews
An A to Z of the World's Deadliest Movie Reviews From Affleck
to Zeta Jones
SELECT VICTIMS BY INITIAL LETTER OF SURNAME
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 
Vinnie Jones
Actor, Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)
Cage's henchmen include a non-speaking thug called Sphinx (played by ex-footballer Vinnie Jones), a sort of Inaudible Hulk. Well, I say Sphinx is non-speaking; but towards the end, he does come up with a single line of dialogue which he recites with the ease and spontaneity of Sylvester Stallone reciting Book Six of Paradise Lost. Mr Jones looks a good deal more at home when setting light to petrol tanks, beating people up or drawing knives in a menacing manner. His future as a heavy in Hollywood is assured, as long as he doesn't open his mouth to do anything but snarl. What a charming role-model for English footballers, and how good to see him spreading such a positive image of our country abroad! He must feel very proud.
(Chris Tookey Daily Mail)
Actor, Mean Machine (2001)
Vinnie Jones as a soul in torment is an improbable concept, especially since he has only two or three working expressions. The rest of the acting is comparable, while the script lazily and limply recycles the cliches of its genre.
(Tom Aitken, Tablet)
The campaign to convince us that Vinnie Jones is a movie star continues. Unfortunately, in his new film - his first as a leading man - he fails to convince even as a former England footballer.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Key to Symbols