movie film review | chris tookey
 
death by raspberry
Movie by Movie, The World's Funniest Bad Reviews
SELECT FILM BY INITIAL LETTER OF TITLE
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 
     
     
  Man of the House (2005)
     
  No image for this film
 





Director Stephen Herek has solid achievements in his past: Mr Hollandís Opus, Bill and Tedís Excellent Adventure and The Mighty Ducks, to name but three. But he has also made some horrible turkeys including the Eddie Murphy stinker Holy Man and Life or Something Like It, which many perceptive connoisseurs regard as Angelina Jolieís most appalling movie. Man of the House falls easily into the category of cinematic atrocities. The producing studio, Columbia, didnít dare show it to the US critics. Itís that bad.
Tommy Lee Jones stars, inexplicably, as a hard-bitten Texas Ranger protecting five murder witnesses, all of them cheerleaders and, allegedly, college students. Frankly, itís the college student angle that is hard to grasp. These vapid, looks-obsessed bimbos have barely one brain cell between them.
Even as a man, I found the camerawork and screenplay astonishingly sexist. It took four screenwriters to pen this drivel, and itís doubtful if they ever met. The thriller and comedy elements are not so much combined as dumped before us with utter contempt for plausibility and narrative tension.
Tommy Lee Jones is meant to be playing a professional, but appears a complete duffer as regards police procedure, and his attitude to security is so lax as to be ludicrous. The girls are so irritating that itís impossible not to root for the killer.
Poor Anne Archer, playing an English professor whoís Tommy Leeís romantic interest, is shot so unflatteringly that she appears not a day under 70.
Every so often, an already slow film grinds to a halt in order to accommodate the dubious talents of Cedric the Entertainer, as a convict turned preacher. He canít be on the screen for more than ten minutes in total, but they seem an eternity. He was merely rotten in last weekís Be Cool. Here, heís so embarrassingly, toe-curlingly unwatchable that henceforth he should be known only as Cedric.
The comedy is meant to arise from Tommy Leeís being a fish out of water among these sexy young girls, and itís possible to see why Hollywood executives bought the pitch: see Tommy Lee fall over while roller-skating! see Tommy Lee have a facial! See Tommy Lee gawp as the girls leave their lingerie hanging in the bathroom!
On the screen, however, absolutely none of this is funny, and when we get to the stage where Tommy Lee is supposed to be learning life-lessons from the girls about opening up emotionally and becoming a better father to his 17 year-old daughter, you will find yourself struggling to control your gag reflex.
Tommy Lee comes across as understandably bad-tempered throughout. When, towards the end, he groans ďIím in deep shitĒ, I found myself nodding in heartfelt agreement.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
It's not a terrible premise - It is, however, terribly executed.
(Luke Y. Thompson, Dallas Observer)
Jones' role, on the other hand, only requires him to look embarrassed at all times, which shouldn't have been too hard to pull off, considering the circumstances.
(Keith Phipps, The Onion)
An ocean of laughterless tedium.
(Peter Whittle, Sunday Times)
Each scene, agonisingly acted and directed, dies a slow death on screen like an animal waiting for the vetís humane killer. In each shot, Tommy Lee looks like a man concentrating grimly on his pay cheque. It canít have been enough, whatever it was.
(Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)

Key to Symbols