movie film review | chris tookey
 
 

Jake Hamilton

 
 

CBS TV, US

 
 
   
 

Quote Whore Quotient : 35

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Watchmen (2009)
Epic! A cinematic masterpiece.
 
 Incoherent, overblown, and grimy with misogyny, Watchmen marks the final demolition of the comic strip, and it leaves you wondering: where did the comedy go?
 
 (Anthony Lane, New Yorker)
 
 Perhaps there is some pleasure to be found in regressing into this belligerent, adolescent state of mind. But maybe it’s better to grow up.
 
 (A.O.Scott, New York Times)
 
 Ponderous, self-important, unpleasantly violent and, quite frankly, kind of silly.
 
 (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 
 This movie is a shallow interpretation of Watchmen, shorn of sophistication or literary density. Worst of all, watching the film makes you wonder whether the source material was actually any good to begin with.
 
 (Orlando Parfit, IGN Movies UK)
 
 “What has happened to us? What has happened to the American dream?” a character asks. The answer might be: “You, Zack Snyder. Man-boy directors, blessed with skill but no soul, content to peddle enervatingly reverential treatments of soft porn for kidults.”
 
 (Sukhdev Sandhu, Daily Telegraph)
 
 This despicable trash will find an audience among sad sociopaths, deranged pseudo-intellectuals and brutalised, immature men of all ages. I just hope that there aren’t enough of them to make it a hit. If there are, God help cinema.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
The Book of Eli (2010)
A visually awe-inspiring epic that will rock your soul.
 
 The Book of Eli combines the maximum in hollow piety with remorseless violence.
 
 (David Denby, New Yorker)
 
 An absurd, incoherent narrative defined by contradictions: religious and violent, arty and exploitational, serious and trashy, stylized and gritty.
 
 (Emanuel Levy, EmanuelLevy.Com)
 
 A post-apocalyptic western cursed by laborious pacing and a sense of self-importance which its nutty story does not warrant. Ponderous in the extreme and laced with portentous religious overtones.
 
 (Mike Goodridge, Screen International)
 
 As with All About Steve, it’s hard to convey exactly how mad this film is. Imagine The Road, remade by Christian fundamentalists with a sadistic interest in mutilation in general, and amputation in particular. It’s that weirdly deranged.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Remember Me (2010)
An emotional power-house that will stir your soul. Robert Pattinson gives a raw and gut-wrenching performance.
 
 Dour, hysterical sudser that never lifts off the ground, no matter how hard it flaps its wings with sequences of nicotine-stained rebellion, cycles of abuse, and bootleg turns of fate.
 
 (Brian Orndorf, Filmjerk.com)
 
 It’s hard to know what the director Allen Coulter could have done to improve Will Fetters’s absurdly contrived, yakky script about love and loss, largely set in the summer of 2001. But Mr. Coulter doesn’t help matters by infusing the movie with grave self-importance.
 
 (Manohla Dargis, New York Times)
 
 The dullness of this writing is more than matched by the dull look achieved by director Allen Coulter, who appears to have shot the film through a piece of yard-sale Tupperware.
 
 (Kyle Smith, New York Post)
 
 The film’s tone is all wrong, the pacing is dead and the veering between sex, sadness and sado-masochistic violence is enough to give you motion sickness. It’s a bad movie.
 
 (Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel)
 
 Bless you, R.Patz & Co., because this gloriously steaming pile is officially in the bad-movies-we-love pantheon.
 
 (Keith Uhlich, Time Out New York)
 
 A dire romantic drama, murkily lit and lethargically directed… Mr Pattinson’s young female fans are likely to find this film less unbearable than anyone else. But even they may find the big emotional climax, which exploits a major terrorist disaster, cheap and pretentious.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
How Do You Know (2010)
One of the smartest, sweetest and downright best romantic comedies in years.
 
 Unfortunately, this dull and listless movie fails to live up to expectations and will be competing for Razzies rather than Academy Awards as one of the worst movies of the year.
 
 (Keith Cohen, Entertainment Spectrum)
 
 We now know Spanglish wasn't a fluke. Writer/director Brooks' artistic decline continues with How Do You Know.
 
 (Christian Toto, What Would Toto Watch)
 
 An airless, sometimes distressingly mirthless comedy.
 
 (Manohla Dargis, New York Times)
 
 Misguided, frighteningly comatose tale of love and neuroses; a maze of bad ideas that Brooks robotically assembles. He's surviving this picture, not directing it.
 
 (Brian Orndorf, BrianOrndorf.com)
 
 A fatuous parade of nothingness.
 
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 As bad as it gets.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon (2011)
The perfect summer movie. This is what going to the movies is all about. They’ve saved the best for last. You’ll be left in awe… One of the most incredible things your eyes will ever see. You won’t breathe. You won’t blink. You’ll just be blown away.
 
 A work of ineffable soullessness and persistent moral idiocy.
 
 (Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune)
 
 The picture isn’t just poorly written, with streams of cliché that one can only hope are intended as send-ups of wretched dialogue, but also badly shot and edited.
 
 (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 
 A visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I've had at the movies.
 
 (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 One small step for action movies, one giant leap into the abyss of mindlessness.
 
 (Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
 
 In which director Michael Bay perpetrates another junkyard fiasco that turns the volume up to 11 and the IQ to -1.
 
 (Anthony Quinn, Independent)
 
 The ethos is perfectly captured in a scene where Ms Huntington-Whiteley poses next to a classic car, and the camera explores her body while another character waxes lyrical about the curves of the chassis. It’s a hi-tech Benny Hill Show, minus the laughs.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
Sucker Punch (2011)
Revolutionary.
 
 I walked out of this movie in a state of depression. Depressed that so much technical bravura could be thrown away. Depressed that someone mistook this empty, nihilistic sketch for a substantive and meaningful project. Depressed that I had been bamboozled into paying $10 to be subjected to it. At least, however, I understood the meaning of the title. I had been sucker punched.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 Sucker Punch never pretends to be anything more than a money-making spectacle, but Zack Snyder could have hid his cynicism better.
 
 (Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News)
 
 I don't doubt that Mr Snyder is possessed of an imagination; it's just that what he imagines is hackneyed, meretricious and boring.
 
 (Anthony Quinn, Independent)
 
 Proves that while masturbating over your cast may not make you blind, it can impair directorial vision.
 
 (Catherine Bray, Film4)
 
 Bewilderingly pointless.
 
 (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 Soul-suckingly putrid… It seems to have been made for 12 year-old boys by a sad middle-aged man whose only experience of life is from violent comics, shoot-‘em-up video games and online pornography.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
Inkheart (2008)
An epic adventure for the entire family!
Bandslam (2009)
Smart, funny and cool.
The Soloist (2009)
This is a movie that must be experienced. Simply flawless.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
The best film so far this year! Prepare yourself for another Tarantino masterpiece! Brad Pitt is viciously funny!
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
One of the best films of the year.
The A-Team (2010)
Awesome. Kick ass. Adrenaline charged. The A-Team is the reason we go to the movies.
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Not just the best of the series... It’s one of the summer’s best movies.
Death at a Funeral (2010)
You’ll die laughing!
Letters to Juliet (2010)
A classic Hollywood love story.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (2010)
The cinematic epic that defies convention and defines a generation.
Love and other Drugs (2010)
The smartest, sexiest and downright best screen-melting romance this year.
 
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