movie film review | chris tookey
 
 

Carrie Keagan

 
 

No Good TV, US

 
 
   
 

Quote Whore Quotient : 24

 Quote Whore Status : 41st=
 
 
   
10,000 BC (2008)
10,000 BC rocks! It’s an adrenaline rush from start to finish.
 
 You may have seen worse movies than 10,000 B.C., but you’ll have to work hard to find a dumber one. Even for a Roland Emmerich picture, this sets new standards for stupidity. This is like Uwe Boll with a budget. This is the village idiot of movies.
 
 (Ken Hanke, Mountain Express, North Carolina)
 
 My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven't seen it since.
 
 (Rob Vaux, Movie Flipside Emporium)
 
 I suppose there's some entertainment value to be had from the sheer badness of 10,000 B.C.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 For all its attempted grandeur, 10,000 B.C. is about as slow and lumbering as a wounded mammoth.
 
 (David Thomas, FilmCritic.com)
 
 This is bad, bad, bad… I resist giving it a perfect F only because I reserve such for film that’s intelligently and studiedly offensive, whereas this is only stupidly offensive. But still.
 
 (Appreciating Great Trash)
 
 Roland Emmerich loves to make big, dumb movies, and though this may not be his biggest, it’s certainly his dumbest. Yes, more preposterous than The Patriot. Goofier than Godzilla. Sillier than Stargate. Dopier than The Day After Tomorrow.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Speed Racer (2008)
It’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.
 
 135 minutes of noisy, infantile and shockingly boring mind rot.
 
 (Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic.com)
 
 Speed Racer has nothing extra to offer - no heart, no excitement, no moments to cherish.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 One of the most painfully ill-conceived borefests to ever grace a summer movie season and an easy candidate of one of 2008's worst films.
 
 (Erik Childress, eFilmCritic.com)
 
 You have to be 12 to like it.
 
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 This movie has all the soul, and about half the intelligence, of an 8 year-old boy on a sugar rush. It’s far too long, it’s a meaningless mess, and it gave me a headache.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
The X-Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
X-cellent!
 
 Old -fashioned and absurd.
 
 (Jay Stone, Canwest News Service)
 
 An atmospheric but disappointing bundle of clichés.
 
 (Amy Biancoli, Houston Chronicle)
 
 Its small-scale approach, lousy story, and dreary tone drown out any excitement in that possibly happening.
 
 (Craig Younkin, Lee’s Movie Info)
 
 An exercise in mediocrity… The actors don't seem to care, either.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 Murky, unconvincing, self-important.
 
 (Philip French, Observer)
 
 It’s lost its X-factor: I wanted to leave.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Zombie Strippers (2008)
So hot, it hurts.
 
 If you like zombies and you like strippers, than this movie has them both... and that's about the only good thing that can be said about this awful waste of time.
 
 (Edward Douglas, ShockTillYouDrop.com)
 
 It looks terrible. It doesn't work as camp. It doesn't work as low budget crap.
 
 (Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper)
 
 I stayed to the bitter end out of some romantic sense of professional obligation. Don't make that same mistake!
 
 (Stephen Hunter, Washington Post)
 
 Nifty title, execrable film.
 
 (Jerry Bokamper, Dallas Morning News)
 
 Half the movie involves people having their heads ripped off with the rest devoted to porn stars jiggling their plastic boobs before being shot in the head. Someone please shoot me, too.
 
 (David Edwards, Daily Mirror)
 
 
Push (2009)
Rocks from beginning to end.
 
 Seems to have been made up as it was being filmed. It's less X-Men and more "Why, man?"
 
 (Aaron Hillis, Village Voice)
 
 There are many problems with Push, and most are the usual boring things: unnecessary plot loops; long, dumb musical interludes; a charmless script; and ostentatious action sequences in which the only person excited is the cameraman. But two awful things about Push are at least interesting: The first is the way in which the story is confused. The second is that the story makes no sense.
 
 (Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle)
 
 These guys are super-lazy, and I was super-bored.
 
 (Kyle Smith, New York Post)
 
 A dull trudge.
 
 (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 Actually, it’s more of a drag.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
The Rite (2011)
An instant classic. Hopkins is mesmerizing.
 
 Yes, there is a hell, and this movie is showing at its local multiplex.
 
 (Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times)
 
 Boring, silly and deeply unscary.
 
 (Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
 
 As Hopkins himself goes wild-eyed and FX-ed with popping veins, The Rite gives up on asking us to take it seriously.
 
 (Steven Rea, Philadelphia Inquirer)
 
 Hopkins’ is a deeply corrupt, hammy turn from an actor once capable of subtle inflection and shifts of mood but who now seems interested in playing constantly to the rafters…. Not a pretty thing to see.
 
 (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 
 So, so wrong... Hopkins’s is an astonishingly misjudged performance of cavernous vacuity - as though Hopkins has become possessed not by the Devil, but by the spirit of the late Sir Donald Wolfit.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Hall Pass (2011)
Hall Pass is the funniest movie of the year.
 
 Noxious in the extreme, growing into an endurance test the longer one has to spend with these two louts posing as protagonists.
 
 (Dustin Putman, DustinPutman.com)
 
 It's crude, for sure, relentlessly so, but it's also just dumb and, when it tries to get something close to serious, kind of depressing.
 
 (Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic)
 
 Garbage waiting for the dump truck. The latest assault on public decency from the pathetic oeuvre of the Farrelly brothers is the same old swill, wrapped in odor-resistant disposable trash bags.
 
 (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
 
 Hall Pass is outright hideous and also embarrassing, like a creepy uncle sporting a backwards baseball cap and cracking bad, lewd jokes for the under-thirties. At a funeral... The scenario, from page one, is sexist manure. Nothing anyone does makes sense, is watchable, or advances beyond astonishingly dated stereotypes: you can count the laughs on the fingers of your clenched fists.
 
 (Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
 
 Terrible... an orgy of crudity that could only appeal to adolescents too young to be admitted.
 
 (Philip French, Observer)
 
 
 
 
 
Unknown (2011)
Liam Neeson at his finest.
No Strings Attached (2011)
Kutcher and Portman have terrific screen physics, using their 12-inch height difference to considerable slapstick effect.
 
 Back to top 
Key to Symbols