movie film review | chris tookey

Earl Dittman


Wireless Magazines, USA


Quote Whore Quotient : 131

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 Quote Whore of the Year 2005
End of Days (1999)
More chilling than The Exorcist... More haunting than The Sixth Sense! It will scare the hell out of you.
 A head-on collision between the ludicrous and the absurd.
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 You'll walk out of End of Days wanting to pick a fight with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's how bad this flick is.
  (Philip Wuntch, Dallas Morning News )
 An overblown, overspectacular, oversold movie without an original idea in its head.
  (Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune)
 Many sins have been committed in the name of religion; End of Days ranks as the latest.
  (Robert Denerstein, Denver Rocky Mountain News)
 This tedious movie offers little in the way of wit, originality or even competence. It's two hours of purgatory.
  (Glenn Whipp, Daily News Los Angeles)
 Less likely to provide thrills than promote hoots of derision. And any movie in which Rod Steiger comes on as a Catholic priest forecasting Armageddon and gives the least hammy performance is in plenty of trouble… End of Days is a big, stupid movie that steals shamelessly from every other Satanic film, especially the worst ones. For once, the word "diabolical" is entirely appropriate.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
With eye-popping action and electrifying thrills, Tomb Raider will have you screaming, laughing and cheering from beginning to end!
 Movies like Tomb Raider are designed only to part fools from their money.
  (Rob Blackwelder, Splicedwire)
 Sitting through Lara Croft: Tomb Raider had me wishing I'd brought a PlayStation to the theater because the entertainment sure wasn't on the screen.
  (Laura Clifford, Reeling Reviews)
 The herald of a cold, heartless, soul-dead cinema for a numbed audience with no interest in human emotion, just a craving to have its synapses jolted.
  (Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle)
 Sitting through the movie is like being made to watch someone else play a video game for one hour 44 minutes, with the volume set to eardrum-battering levels. This movie is, I fear, critic-proof and will probably make its money back - an interesting commentary on a culture that now routinely rewards image, saturation marketing and deception, rather than truthfulness, talent or any of the humane virtues, still less intelligence. By any standards other than commercial ones, this film is a dismal failure.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Boat Trip (2002)
One crazy and daring romantic comedy… Vivica A. Fox absolutely sizzles.
 I can think of one thing worse than Boat Trip, and that would be drowning. But just barely.
  (Jeffrey Westhoff, Northwest Herald)
 It's hard to imagine who would find this funny.
  (Maitland McDonagh, TV Guide's Movie Guide)
 Lacks laughs, wit or any sense of intelligence.
  (Garth Franklin, Dark Horizons)
 Human beings did this.
  (Scott Weinberg,
 You're unlikely to see anything more puerile or mirthless this year than the dreadful Boat Trip.
  (Philip French, Observer)
The Core (2003)
Strap yourself in for the ride of a lifetime. A breathtaking, white-knuckle voyage to the center of pure, unadulterated action and excitement. An electrifying, jaw-dropping action film that will definitely keep you on the edge of your seat. The Core is packed with so much red hot star power it can't help but sizzle.
 The most unintentionally funny film that I've seen in years. The problem is that we're laughing at it instead of with it.
  (Michael Elliott, Movie Parables)
 One by one our heroes sacrifice themselves - and that's just by signing aboard this film.
  (Mark Ramsey, Moviejuice)
 The eye candy is consistently amateurish.
  (Sean O'Connell,
 The Core is a big, dumb disaster movie aimed at anyone who found Armageddon too deep.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 It's like being stuck between Underground stations on the Northern line for an hour and a half. A long downward burrow is enlivened with a series of artificial narrative crises, each of which efficiently eliminates a crew-member, and halfway through there's another, spectacular sequence above ground thrown in, showing San Francisco's Golden Gate bridge collapsing - tacitly acknowledging that they're boring down there in every sense.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
Timeline (2003)
Timeline is the most innovative and exciting film based on a Michael Crichton novel since Jurassic Park. Fasten your seat belt for an unforgettable thrill-ride! A breathtaking, hi-tech cliffhanger with unstoppable excitement.
 I'm not going to attack Timeline for its idiotic storyline, amateurish acting, historical inaccuracies, or connect-the-dots character development. To a certain extent, those things are expected from science fiction action/adventures. What is unforgivable, however, is that this movie is boring and repetitive.
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 You'll be checking your watch a lot during Timeline.
  (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 So silly you can’t think about it without hyperventilating.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Connolly and a totally miscast Thewlis give quite the worst performances of their careers... Verily a stinker.
  (Matthew Bond, Mail on Sunday)
 The codswallop dialogue and silly costumes suggest that Donner and his team carefully studied Monty Python and the Holy Grail without realising it was a comedy.
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 A brain-dead dud.
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
Paycheck (2003)
Unlike any film you've seen before or will likely see again! Top notch! A stunning and electrifying cat-and-mouse thriller.
 A snore, and worse, it’s so generic in tone, execution, and payoff that it might as well have been directed by any journeyman straight-to-video helmer out there. This is nothing like the Hong Kong master of mind-blowing action who directed the excruciatingly entertaining Hard-Boiled, and coupled with lackluster performances from Thurman and Eckhart, it’s one of the biggest letdowns of the year, a sterile piece of artlessness that lacks even Woo’s trademark ballistic ballets while treading perilously close to Steven Spielberg’s far superior Minority Report.
  (Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle)
 Some day, when it's available on video, Paycheck will be great for drinking games. Every time any character does something stupid, take a shot. The participants in the game will all be drunk before the film is half over... This is a bad film, complete with lackluster acting, brainless writing, and uninspired direction.
  (James Berardinelli , Reelviews)
 The search for Ben Affleck’s career was abandoned last night due to poor weather and visibility, but will be resumed with air-sea rescue helicopters at daybreak... He’s clearly been taking his handsomeness lessons pretty frequently, and may even have a handsome coach on-set. He has got self-deprecating charm. Is there no one who can find this man a script?
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Uninvolving and devoid of inspiration. The acting ranges from mediocre to atrocious. Yet again Affleck makes such a thoroughly boring hero that you wonder why he keeps getting employed. He trundles through the proceedings with a good-humoured smirk when trying to look cool, or a baffled air, like a mastiff given two contradictory orders at once, when he's being chased or shot at. Called upon to register existential panic, he goes blank… Director John Woo looks washed up… Woo's one original idea is to make Affleck look like Cary Grant in North by Northwest - not a good scheme, since it invites profoundly unflattering comparisons.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Son of the Mask (2005)
Hilarious! Wonderfully witty. A comedy for the child in all of us.
 Gruesomely unfunny... a disastrous mess. It's actually physically painful to watch.
  (Frank Swietek, One Guy's Opinion)
 A comedy so unfunny, it's tragic.
  (Ruthe Stein, San Francisco Chronicle)
 A 90-minute migraine... profoundly, almost religiously, lacking in humour.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Plummets into uncharted depths of shittiness. And when you think it can't get any worse, it does. And then it gets even worse than that. And worse and worse yet... Chucking your balls in a blender is less painful than this. You don't treat your kids to this movie, you punish them to it. Please, for the love of all that is good and pure, stay away from Son Of The Mask.
  (Gator MacReady, Inside Out)
 The most abysmal sequel of all time. Yes, worse even than Exorcist II: The Heretic, Death Wish 4 and Police Academy VI. Perhaps you remember The Mask, starring Jim Carrey, way back in 1994? Son of the Mask not only doesn’t star Carrey, or use the same writer, or have the same director - there isn’t a single amusing moment in it. By the end, I felt sick with not laughing.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Guess Who (2005)
Outrageously funny! Absolute comic perfection! An extraordinarily funny, laugh-a-minute, side-splitting comedy.
 A pile of swill... It becomes obvious that this desperate group of no-talents will do anything for a cheap laugh.
  (Rex Reed)
 It's never a good sign in a comedy when the characters laugh harder than the audience at their own jokes.
  (Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post)
 Just a succession of tired race jokes made worse by the bad comedic timing of the bland, under-talented Ashton Kutcher.
  (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 There isn't a single instance in the film where the relationships seem the least bit believable. It's a cinematic triptych of bad acting, directing and writing.
  (Mr. Cranky Rates The Movies)
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Breathtaking... thrilling... an unforgettable experience. The best Spider-Man yet!
 An overwrought bore.
  (Nathan Lee, Village Voice)
 Overlong, visually incoherent, mean-spirited and often just plain awful.
 (Ann Hornaday, Washington Post)
 How not to make a sequel.
 (Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle)
 A shambles.
 (Anthony Lane, New Yorker)
Nancy Drew (2007)
****Nancy Drew is a definite must-see!
 Unwatchable on every level.
 (Lawrence Toppman, Charlotte Observer)
 At the end of the movie, the only mystery left unsolved is where your time and money have gone.
 (Chris Willard, Premiere)
 Stale mystery-movie cliches and overcooked red herrings in a thoroughly wooden adaptation.
 (Lael Loewenstein, Variety)
 For sheer objectionable stupidity and dullness, this film takes the biscuit.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 It’s patronising hackwork. Children and adults deserve better.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
88 Minutes (2007)
Sensational... **** A must see.
 This is an AWFUL film; it doesn't deserve a single star.
 (Jonathan Rodriguez,
 A slop bucket of misconceived tricks, rigor-mortis mood, and laughable intentions.
 (Chris Cabin,
 The chief culprit in this catastrophe is Gary Scott Thompson’s ridiculous script, which lacks even the flimsiest shred of credibility…Directed by Jon Avnet to little effect — but then, Hitchcock himself couldn’t have saved this turkey.
 (Jim Lane, Sacramento News-Review)
 It's always a shock when a movie turns out to be this bad. It's an even bigger shock when it features an actor of the caliber and reputation of Al Pacino. 88 Minutes is one of the dumbest thrillers to arrive in theaters in a long time.
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 I would be surprised if I saw a worse movie this year.
 (Craig Younkin, Lee’s Movie Info)
 Dull, drab and boring.
 (Helen O'Hara, Empire)
Speed Racer (2008)
The creators of the Matrix trilogy have revolutionized moviemaking.
 135 minutes of noisy, infantile and shockingly boring mind rot.
 (Peter Sobczynski,
 Speed Racer has nothing extra to offer - no heart, no excitement, no moments to cherish.
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 One of the most painfully ill-conceived borefests to ever grace a summer movie season and an easy candidate of one of 2008's worst films.
 (Erik Childress,
 You have to be 12 to like it.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 This movie has all the soul, and about half the intelligence, of an 8 year-old boy on a sugar rush. It’s far too long, it’s a meaningless mess, and it gave me a headache.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
We Were Soldiers (2002)
A modern-day classic. Truly magnificent and absolutely unforgettable! Mel Gibson’s most stunning and mesmerizing performance to date.
40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)
A sexy, fresh and wildly hip comedy!
Men in Black II (2002)
An electrifying, laugh-filled, hi-energy experience. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are sensational!
K-19: The Widowmaker (2002)
A cinematic triumph that has Academy Awards written all over it.
The Four Feathers (2002)
The Four Feathers is an exquisite, breathtaking epic! ****! An astounding, unforgettable motion picture which is both heroic and remarkably passionate. It is a phenomenal cinematic achievement! You will feel compelled to see it over and over again.
Analyze That (2002)
Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal are outrageously hilarious! Their performances are what comedic legends are made of.
Serving Sara (2002)
Matthew Perry and Elizabeth Hurley make an irresistible screen team in this sexy, zany and over the top road movie that breaks all the rules!
White Oleander (2002)
White Oleander has Oscar written all over it.
Collateral Damage (2002)
A First-Class Suspense-Filled Thriller!
High Crimes (2002)
Fantastic! Full of unstoppable suspense.
Murder by Numbers (2002)
The Hottest Suspense Thriller In Town! Bullock is incredible. She gives one of the most astonishingly powerful and fiercely moving performances of her career.
The Sum of All Fears (2002)
The Sum of All Fears is what great filmmaking is all about. It grabs you by the throat and never lets go! An astonishing and thrilling motion picture.
Undisputed (2002)
Electrifying! Jaw-Dropping! It will knock you out of your seat! It's unforgettable!
Brown Sugar (2002)
Brown Sugar almost single-handedly redefines the date movie…slick, sexy and slammin'.
Formula 51 (2002)
Formula 51 is a high-octane, adrenaline-pumped action comedy packed with wit and style!
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
An endearing and witty romantic comedy packed with so much charisma the laughs never quit. Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are a match made in movie heaven. Falling in love never looked so fun and exciting.
Friday After Next (2003)
The funniest Friday ever!
The In-Laws (2003)
A knockout action/comedy packed with laughs.
A Man Apart (2003)
The film that should turn Vin Diesel into the ultimate hero. A hard-hitting and action-fueled film.
Radio (2003)
A triumph!... Radio is one of those rare moviegoing experiences that will stir your humanity and steal your heart away.
Coach Carter (2005)
Coach Carter will have you on your feet, cherring for more...A filmmaking triumph!!
Racing Stripes (2005)
Soon to take its place as one of this generation's most hilarious, smart and entertaining family classics.
Hide and Seek (2005)
Bone-chilling. Heart-stopping. Panic-filled. Robert DeNiro's performance is shocking and intense. A provocative nail-biter! It'll raise your heart rate! It will keep you guessing from start to finish.
Robots (2005)
More incredible than The Incredibles. Brilliant. Innovative. Spectacular.
Hostage (2005)
Bruce Willis has never been better! More electrifying than Die Hard!
Beauty Shop (2005)
The most hysterical comedy you'll see this year. Positively hilarious! Queen Latifah is sensational! She gives a wildly hysterical and incredibly charming performance.
Fever Pitch (2005)
Irresistible! The perfect date movie. The best romantic comedy since 50 First Dates!
The General's Daughter (1999)
A top-notch, edge-of-your-seat suspense thriller.
Scooby Doo (2002)
You'll howl with laughter!
Maid in Manhattan (2002)
The funniest romantic comedy of the year!
Wes Craven Presents: They (2002)
A flawless, breathtaking, terror-filled thriller…A must see!
Hey Arnold! The Movie (2002)
A hysterical, entertaining treat for the whole family!
Legally Blonde 2 (2003)
Alex and Emma (2003)
Kate Hudson continues to shine. Absolutely dazzling! One of the most hilarious date movies you'll see this summer!
Duplex (2003)
Hilarious! Smart and wildly funny…you'll love this movie!
Runaway Jury (2003)
A brilliant suspense thriller and an electrifying heist film all in one.
Beyond Borders (2003)
This is the quintessential love story for the new millennium. A daringly original film. A bold and courageous cinematic epic, Beyond Borders will restore your faith in the strength of the human spirit and the irrefutable power of love.
In The Cut (2003)
Shocking. Mesmerizing.
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