movie film review | chris tookey

Shawn Edwards




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 Quote Whore of the Year 2002, 2007, 2008, 2010
Sweet November (2001)
A movie that sizzles with charm. You'll have a renewed passion for life.
 In his 1922 poem The Waste Land, T.S. Eliot said “April is the cruelest month.” He never saw Sweet November.
 (Paul Clinton, CNN)
 It's enough to make you puke.
  (Gary Thompson, Philadelphia Daily News)
 Defies all comprehension.
  (A.O. Scott, New York Times)
 Dumb enough to make The Wedding Planner seem like an Ingmar Bergman film.
  (John Anderson, Newsday)
 Couldn't be more artificial if every object on the screen had been molded from plastic.
  (Robert W. Butler, Kansas City Star)
 What keeps it (barely) from being completely intolerable is Keanu Reeves' hilariously awful lead performance.
  (Kevin Maynard, Mr. Showbiz)
 Every once in a while, a movie comes along that reminds you how wonderful life can be. Unfortunately, Sweet November does this by reminding you how terrible a movie can be.
 (Tom Maurstad, Dallas Morning News)
Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
 What a horrible, horrible film.
  (Danny Minton, KBTV-NBC)
 This animated abomination is so desperately awful that one walks away amazed at the power Sandler must wield in Hollywood to get it released at all.
  (Dawn Taylor, Portland Tribune)
 Animated drivel meant to enhance the self-image of drooling idiots.
  (John Anderson, Newsday)
 An abomination so horrendously bad that it defies description.
  (Wade Major, Box Office Magazine)
 Families looking for something to watch together should steer well clear, unless appreciation of outhouse humor is a family tradition.
  (Nell Minow, Movie Mom)
 Sets animation back 30 years, musicals back 40 years and Judaism back at least 50.
  (Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel)
40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)
Terrifically cool, totally fresh and thoroughly entertaining! Josh Hartnett and Shannyn Sossamon set the screen on fire! Destined to become a new classic!
 Unrelenting in the number of ways it can get its one joke wrong.
  (Glenn Whipp, Daily News Los Angeles)
 The underpinning misogyny of 40 Days and 40 Nights is only exceeded by its cynicism.
  (Jan Stuart, Newsday)
 A remarkably sniggering, tawdry sex gross and smutty that perhaps a trenchcoat should be required apparel for every audience member.
  (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 Screenwriter Rob Perez knows as much about both self-discipline and Catholicism as I know about echocardiography.
  (Sean O'Connell, Eclipse Magazine)
 The picture is unfunny and possibly subsidised by President Bush's “Say no to sex” campaign.
 (Philip French, Observer)
 It's bad enough that we're asked to believe that forgoing sex for under six weeks is a modern Labour of Hercules, which it all too plainly isn't. But the execution of the idea is even worse - an oafish, even disgusting collage of jokes about used condoms, self-abuse and erections. The plot is so shoddily constructed that we don't even find out who won and lost the bet… One of the most obnoxious, least funny comedies of 2002.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Mr Deeds (2002)
Mr Deeds screams fun and delivers non-stop laughs!
 Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, a grand piece of Depression era populism from Frank Capra, is rousted from its grave and clumsily desecrated by Adam Sandler and friends.
  (Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel)
 People who just call 'em as they see 'em need only note that this remake of one of Frank Capra's most famous pictures is a perfectly dreadful film and leave it at that.
  (Todd McCarthy, Variety)
 Foul, putrid cesspool of a movie.
  (Jim Lane, Sacramento News & Review)
 Lacks almost everything that made the 1936 movie an enduring classic: idealism, heart, social and political savvy, convincing romanticism, robust ensemble acting and humor.
  (Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune)
 Please don't go to see it, even out of idle curiosity - it might encourage Sandler to re-make It's a Wonderful Life.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 The awful Adam Sandler is a bad Deeds in a naughty world, nearer to Alice Cooper than to Gary.
  (Philip French, Observer)
 Not even Sandler can sink below the level of the script, which is rigorously crass and insulting.
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 Orphanage fires are funnier.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
Men in Black II (2002)
****! It's twice the action and twice the laughs!
 What was fresh and original in the first film feels tired, stale, and unfunny here.
  (Michael Elliott, Movie Parables)
 They're going through the motions, but the zip is gone.
  (Ann Hornaday, Washington Post)
 Soulless and uninspired.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 A painfully disappointing sequel to a funny and ingenious movie.
 (Philip French, Observer)
 Clearly rushed into production without an even vaguely viable script, by slow-witted space aliens who didn't have a clue why humans thought the first film was funny.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Welcome to Collinwood (2002)
Absolutely hilarious!
 The kind of film that leaves you scratching your head in amazement over the fact that so many talented people could participate in such an ill-advised and poorly executed idea.
  (Nicholas Schager, Matinee Magazine)
 Nothing more than a slapstick patchwork of vignettes that grow more tiresome as the movie progresses.
  (Kevin Courrier, Box Office Magazine)
 The whole thing fails to gel, and the performers don't exactly have that Ocean's-Eleven chemistry.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 There are few experiences as dispiriting as sitting through a caper movie that doesn't make you laugh… Don't believe any critic who describes this as "hilarious". It raised hardly a snigger at the screening I attended. The whole thing is only a tiny bit funnier than Solaris.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Powerpuff Girls (2002)
Fantastic! ****! The best animated feature this year!
 A product, not a picture.
 (Stephen Whitty, Portland Oregonian)
 A rote effort made for some quick box-office bucks.
 (Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News)
 An ultra-violent, ear-splitting cartoon that exudes a peculiarly obnoxious kind of aggressive stupidity. The three small heroines - test-tube children who have been endowed by their scientist "father" with extraordinary powers - are intolerable. The story is neither cute nor exciting. 73 minutes have rarely passed more slowly.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Crossroads (2002)
Crossroads is a perfect teen dream. It has everything that makes a movie totally cool: laughs, adventure, spirit, hot music, drama and of course BRITNEY! Britney rocks! She is like a comet. A talent of her magnitude only comes around once in a lifetime and you can't take your eyes off her when she is on screen in this totally cool and delightfully hip movie.
 Watching Ms. Spears sing, dance and act can leave you wondering what is meant nowadays by the concept of talent.
  (Stephen Holden, New York Times)
 Britney Spears' acting deficiencies go far beyond being unable to utter a line of dialogue with conviction - throughout Crossroads, she resembles a posed Barbie doll, down to the plastic face with the vacuous expression.
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 Britney Spears’ phoniness is nothing compared to the movie’s contrived, lame screenplay and listless direction.
  (Brian Webster, Apollo Guide)
 An example of shamelessly bad screenwriting, laden with coincidence and cliché and empty characterizations.
  (Moira MacDonald, Seattle Times)
 Mindless, humourless, valueless drivel.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Dreamcatcher (2003)
Phenomenal! A first-rate edge-of-your-seat thriller loaded with suspense, whiz-bang action and creepy excitement.
 Stupid, sophomoric and moronically silly.
  (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
 Hollywood idiocy on a staggering scale.
  (Bruce Kirkland, Jam! Movies)
 A monster movie of stunning awfulness.
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 A monster mash of Ed Wood awfulness.
  (Shannon J. Harvey, Sunday Times, Australia)
 As stupid as stupid can be.
  (Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central)
 Shapeless, incoherent, bloody awful swill... It is worse than an incompetent fiasco: it is a contemptuous one, too.
  (Alexander Walker, Evening Standard)
The Core (2003)
100% Exciting! Edge-of-your-seat thrill ride that's a total blast.
 One by one our heroes sacrifice themselves - and that's just by signing aboard this film.
  (Mark Ramsey, Moviejuice)
 A movie overflowing with laughable scenarios.
  (Sean O'Connell,
 The most unintentionally funny film that I've seen in years.
  (Michael Elliott, Movie Parables)
 It's like being stuck between Underground stations on the Northern line for an hour and a half.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 A big, dumb disaster movie aimed at anyone who found Armageddon too deep… The whole thing becomes, all too literally, deeply boring.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
You won't have more fun at any other movie - period.
 Watching Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is like being trapped inside a pinball machine operated by a 6-year-old having a sugar rush.
  (Kirk Honeycutt, Hollywood Reporter)
 There's nothing pleasurable about the noise, aggressive cutting and assaultive, comic-book action.
  (Eric Harrison, Houston Chronicle)
 I hated every frame of this plotless, unfunny, completely entertainment-free movie.
  (David Cornelius, Amazing Colossal Website)
 Grim going unless you’re an exceptionally witless 13 year-old.
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 A movie that makes Dumb and Dumberer look threateningly intellectual.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (2003)
Funny!... off the chart comedy. You'll laugh your head off.
 Maybe some day someone will make an interesting movie about celebrity and child-stars, but this isn’t even close to being it.
  (James Bowman)
 It’s buried by several false assumptions, the main one being that anyone in Britain cares for charmless, charisma-free American TV comic David Spade, a vacuum at the movie’s heart where a lead actor should be.
  (David Gritten, Daily Telegraph)
 Maudlin, mirthless drivel from the Dream Factory's nightmare annexe.
  (Nigel Andrews, Financial Times)
 Stale schmaltz.
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 The film is about as funny as being given a lift by a suicide bomber on his way to work.
  (Philip French, Observer)
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
****! Remarkable. The Matrix Revolutions is a mesmerizing conclusion to the best trilogy in cinematic history.
 A disappointing way for the science fiction trilogy to bow out. Overlong and underwhelming.
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 It’s like a 129-minute deleted-scene extra.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Dreadful dialogue, wooden acting and zero special effects... hugely underwhelming.
  (Matthew Bond, Mail on Sunday)
 Cod-biblical babble and Zen-inspired nonsense about choice and destiny.
  (Cosmo Landesman, Sunday Times)
 Not many films have left me quite so depressed about the people willing to pay to see this garbage, quite so unsure whether, if humanity really is as it is portrayed here, it is worth saving.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Along Came Polly (2003)
 Along Came Polly is short of a laugh riot the way Ben Stiller is short of 5'8". And I'm short of amused.
  (Mark Ramsey, Moviejuice)
 An uneven blend of romantic comedy and sophomoric gross-out humor.
  (Tim Knight,
 It’s the type of comedy that seems learned from watching other bad movies.
  (Jesse Hassenger,
 Lame and unfunny and unoriginal, offsetting cutesy romcom moments with sub-grossout touches.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 One of the worst romantic comedies to have come out of Hollywood in a long time.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)
One of the best sci-fi films ever! Extraordinary! A true classic not to be missed! Vin Diesel is ecstatically superb.
 A noisy, chaotic, over-serious mess.
  (Rich Cline, Shadows on the Wall)
 A monotonous series of hard-to-follow brawls in dark caves and corridors.
 (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 All hardware, indifferent special effects, bone-crunching video-game violence and mythic pomposity.
  (Philip French, Observer)
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
White Chicks (2004)
The funniest comedy of the year. The Wayans brothers have delivered another comedy classic.
 Here is a film so dreary and conventional that it took an act of will to keep me in the theater
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 Laugh? I thought I'd never start.
  (Desson Thomson, Washington Post)
 Worthless, tasteless and unfunny.
  (Marc Mohan, Portland Oregonian)
 It takes the Wayans’ brand of gross-out humor to a whole new low.
  (David Levine,
 We're bombarded by witless racial clichés, stale sexism and homophobia and enthusiastic celebrations of extreme flatulence.
  (Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News)
 It’s as if everyone working on the film was too terrified to point out that there wasn’t a single giggle in the entire thing.
  (Andrew Pulver, Guardian)
Little Black Book (2004)
****! The best romantic comedy of the year! A witty, clever and sexy romp that both women and men will find incredibly enjoyable.
 Mean-spirited and misguided.
  (Kimberley Jones, Austin Chronicle)
 By the end of the film, one simply feels sorry for everyone involved and that their pathetic, Hollywood lives have been so twisted and full of moral and ethical decay that they can no longer distinguish between what audiences find cute and what they find completely despicable.
  (Mr Cranky, Mr Cranky Rates the Movies)
 Despite the frantic surface activity, the film’s dead from the neck up, with precisely nothing in the action or the dialogue being funny or convincing in any way.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
An explosive masterpiece tailor-made for those who love ultra-cool high energy action!
 Calamitously uninspired and borderline incoherent.
  (Scott Foundas, Variety)
 Plot and narrative? Minimal. Confrontations? Endless. Surprises? None.
  (Richard Harrington, Washington Post )
 An utterly meaningless waste of time.
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 What do you get when you mix bad acting, worse dialogue, hyperactive direction and masses of meaningless brutality? You get Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse… I lurched out of this bloodbath white-faced, half-dead and in a mood to kill someone, possibly the director.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Little Man (2006)
The wildest, funniest, most hilarious movie of the year.
 Sexual and toilet humor plumb new depths in Keenen Ivory Wayans' Little Man, which will stink up theaters like several gross of dirty diapers.
 (Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
 Depressing infantilism.
  (Nathan Lee, New York Times)
 Little Man is putrid.
  (Felix Vasques Jr., Film Threat)
 Like the soiled nappies that play so prominent a part in the proceedings, it stinks.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
A Good Year (2006)
The best romantic comedy of the year.
 Perilously short on jokes.
 (Paul Arendt, BBCi)
 It's all distinctly half-hearted: smugly solipisistic and homiletic; decadently escapist in its travel-brochure prettiness.
 (Neil Young, Tribune)
 Russell Crowe and comedy. There's a partnership that works about as well as the Arabs and Israelis.
 (James King, Kingy’s World of Film)
 A bit like brushing your teeth with Chateau d’Yquem: wasteful verging on obnoxious.
 (Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
 A humourless cinematic slice of tourist gastro-porn. It stars, incredibly, Russell Crowe... It is the biggest case of miscasting in history. Anyone, anyone, would have been better in this part. Steven Seagal would have been better. Janette Krankie would have been better.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
No Reservations (2007)
The most delightful movie of the year!
 A soufflé of a romantic and family comedy that stubbornly refuses to rise.
 (Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
 Stubbornly, resolutely disingenuous and one-dimensional.
 (Carina Chocano, Los Angeles Times)
 No Reservations makes no damned sense at all.
 (Stephanie Zacharek,
 Here is a romcom that has been developed on a Petri dish in some unspeakable secret department at the Porton Down biological warfare unit, designed to release a gaseous vapour into cinemas, rendering the civilian population immobile with a mixture of embarrassment, boredom and distaste... God help us, but Zeta-Jones is terrible.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
Transformers (2007)
The most original movie of the year!
 A movie of epically assaultive noise and nonsense.
  (Manohla Dargis, New York Times)
 A strong candidate for the dumbest movie ever made.
 (Maitland McDonagh, TV Guide)
 Just another loud, plot-deficient summer motion picture.
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 A textbook case of cynical Hollywood extravagance.
 (Andrea Gronvall, Chicago Reader)
  A nightmare, as enjoyable as a package holiday in Helmand Province without a flak jacket.
 (Philip French, Observer)
 Noisy, meaningless junk.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Are We Done Yet? (2007)
The funniest, craziest, wildest comedy of the year.
 Numbingly mediocre.
 (J.R. Jones, Chicago Reader)
 Atrocious…painfully inane.
 (Gregory Kirschling, Entertainment Weekly)
 (Stephen Cole, Globe and Mail)
 Painfully unfunny.
 (Philip French, Observer)
 You’ll be echoing the title before the end.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Fred Claus (2007)
One of the funniest comedies of the year.
 The movie has a terrible premise compounded by a lame script and the miscasting of its surfeit of talented stars.
 (Jack Mathews, New York Daily News)
 Dispiriting... insipid.
 (Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor)
 Belligerently unfunny.
 (Pete Vonder Haar, Film Threat)
 Fred Claus is sadly just an early lump of coal under the tree.
 (Toddy Burton, Austin Chronicle)
 Not like a lump of coal in your stocking. Coal is useful; you can burn it. This movie is more like a lump of something Blitzen left behind after eating a lot of Mexican food.
 (Kyle Smith, New York Post)
Evan Almighty (2007)
A heavenly comedy that’s perfect for the entire family... Steve Carell is hilarious, touching and completely engaging.
 It's an almighty, humorless bore.
 (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 It marks an unfortunate low point in the history of recent American comedy.
 (Robert Wilonsky, Village Voice)
 This is movie-making by and for dummies.
 (Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal)
 A colossal dud.
 (Michael Sragow, Baltimore Sun)
 Avoid like the Ten Plagues.
 (Phelim O’Neill, Guardian)
 There are more jokes in any chapter of the Book of Job than in the whole of Evan Almighty.
 (Philip French, Observer)
 A comedic disaster of biblical proportions.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
TMNT (2007)
Totally awesome! So much fun you’ll want to see it twice.
 The movie pretty much exists to sell tie-in products, and it's about as entertaining as watching little kids playing with their toys in the sandbox.
  (Kyle Smith, New York Post)
 It takes more than an awkward title attempting to sound cool to overcome its mundane plot and silly dialogue.
  (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 Without the brute vigilante junk, this 82-minute picture would be approximately 2 minutes long.
  (Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune)
 Profoundly unrewarding.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Cynical trash.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Reaping (2007)
A terrific thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat!
 Notable for its enthusiastic abandonment of any semblance of narrative coherence.
  (Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail)
 Pitiful excuse for a horror film.
 (Wesley Morris, Boston Globe)
 This high-decibel shocker is an insult to intelligence and faith alike.
 (J.R. Jones, Chicago Reader)
 Virtually unreleasable.
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 The Sleeping would have been preferable.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Semi-Pro (2008)
Intensely funny! Will Ferrell delivers another winner!
 This could possibly be the worst film I have ever seen.
 (Matt Mungle, Phantom Tollbooth)
 It is chillingly devoid of laughs, and looks like some deconstructionist experiment, deliberately draining the comedy genre of jokes to reveal the parched, pointless story skeleton beneath... Mr Ferrell is seriously off his game.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Will Ferrell’s movie success is a mystery to many of us - with his dead little eyes and air of Saturday Night Live self-regard, he’s hard to like, let alone laugh at.
 (Peter Whittle, Sunday Times)
 A turkey of gargantuan proportions. If you don’t believe me, watch the trailer. There isn’t a laugh in that either.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Fool's Gold (2008)
Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson are this generation’s most engaging on-screen couple.
 The script is fatally stupid, most of the gags fall flat, the secondary characters add little, Hudson fails to make anything interesting out of the exasperated heroine, and the endless references to McConaughey's sexual prowess finally become revolting.
 (William Arnold, Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
 Of COURSE it's bad. It was always going to be. But it's worse than necessary.
 (Lawrence Toppman, Charlotte Observer)
 Excruciatingly lame and laughless.
 (Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
 A two-hour explosion of rubbishness.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 The only interesting aspect of the movie is its unconsciously dumb celebration of greed. Basically, this is There Will Be Blood in bikinis and beach shorts, reimagined by Paris Hilton.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (2008)
Totally hilarious! Martin Lawrence has never been funnier.
 A rancid, unfunny disaster full of embarrassing performances and shamefully simple-minded comic notions.
 (Eric D. Snider, World of Eric)
 One of the absolute worst movies ever produced by the hands of humans.
 (MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher)
 Nothing the skunk does can begin to match the stench of this movie.
 (Peter Travers, Rolling Stone)
 It’s disturbing to a see a picture that’s aimed at a family audience, which so clearly delights in brutality, and even suggests that our hero should see the funny side of being beaten up. Unbelievably, this exercise in sustained nastiness drags on for nearly two hours.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Love Guru (2008)
Ridiculously funny… A pretty good movie.
 The most joy-draining 88 minutes I've ever spent outside a hospital waiting room.
 (Dana Stevens, Slate)
 This Mike Myers vehicle exemplifies American comedy's continuing slide into infantilism.
 (Andrea Gronvall, Chicago Reader)
 Crude, bafflingly unfunny.
 (Ken Fox, TV Guide)
 An atrocious, idiotic 88 minutes of anti-entertainment.
 (Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News)
 Ninety minutes pass like an eternity.
 (Peter Travers, Rolling Stone)
 Unfuckingbelievably unspeakably awful... one of the most inept pathetic terrifyingly awful experiences I've ever suffered through.
 (Harry Knowles, Ain’t It Cool News)
 Hindus have complained about being stereotyped in Mike Myers’ The Love Guru, but why shouldn’t the rest of us protest as well? The best way to endure this squalid, rancid mess without wanting to weep or disown our membership of the human race would be to attend it under general anaesthetic.
  (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Four Christmases (2008)
The funniest movie of the year. Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon are terrific. The perfect holiday treat.
 Thoroughly cheerless.
 (Todd McCarthy, Variety)
 Cruel and crude, what passes for humour here — unfunny pratfalls, callbacks to humiliating childhood traumas, potshots at poor white trash, disgust over the notion of geriatric sex and, as the ultimate bottom-scraper, two baby-puke jokes — provides no respite.
 (Jason Anderson, Eye Weekly)
 Neither clever nor heartwarming, Four Christmases is the coal in the stocking of holiday movies.
 (Sean Axmaker, Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
 One of the most joyless Christmas movies ever.
 (Kirk Honeycutt, Hollywood Reporter)
 The people behind Four Christmases obviously imagine it is a playful, heart-warming romcom that celebrates the Christmas spirit. The reality is that it’s a horror film enacted by characters who would be enormously improved by a surgical nuclear strike.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Better than the original.
 If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.
 (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 You’ll get better acting and superior entertainment at a monster truck rally.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 When it comes to artistic aspirations, Bay has never exactly been up there with Bergman, but he did show a kind of ambition in Pearl Harbor and a certain elan in Armageddon, so can he really be happy churning out this inhuman rubbish?
 (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 Bay is at his most obnoxious when he shows gigantic machines casually destroying icons of Ancient Egyptian civilisation. Some may find this a depressingly accurate metaphor for what people like him are doing to our own culture.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Book of Eli (2010)
Hypnotically gripping. Riveting and profound... Denzel Washington is phenomenal. He's at the top of his game.
 The Book of Eli combines the maximum in hollow piety with remorseless violence.
 (David Denby, New Yorker)
 An absurd, incoherent narrative defined by contradictions: religious and violent, arty and exploitational, serious and trashy, stylized and gritty.
 (Emanuel Levy, EmanuelLevy.Com)
 A post-apocalyptic western cursed by laborious pacing and a sense of self-importance which its nutty story does not warrant. Ponderous in the extreme and laced with portentous religious overtones.
 (Mike Goodridge, Screen International)
 As with All About Steve, it’s hard to convey exactly how mad this film is. Imagine The Road, remade by Christian fundamentalists with a sadistic interest in mutilation in general, and amputation in particular. It’s that weirdly deranged.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Back-Up Plan (2010)
Jennifer is back and better than ever!
 The Back-up Plan proves that star Jennifer Lopez sorely needs one.
 (Gary Thompson, Philadelphia Daily News)
 The Back-up Plan is about as much fun as 36 hours of labor, only you don't get to go home with a baby at the end. Instead, you leave with a throbbing headache and a lot of questions about why anybody still thinks Jennifer Lopez can anchor a movie.
 (Connie Ogle, Miami Herald)
 My pregnancy lasted 41 weeks and five days, involved morning, afternoon and night sickness and culminated in 25 hours of labor capped off by an emergency C-section. Yet all that seems like a walk in the park compared with the 100 minutes I spent watching Jennifer Lopez mug her way through The Back-Up Plan.
 (Mary Pols, Time)
 The mystery of Jennifer Lopez: how can someone with such a beautiful face be quite so unappealing as a presence? Every role she touches just withers and dies.
 (Anthony Quinn, Independent)
 Jennifer Lopez has never looked better or acted worse.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Last Airbender (2010)
 The Last Airbender is an insult to anyone with a triple-digit I.Q. and a willingness to use it inside the confines of a movie theater. This is bad filmmaking and bad storytelling. It also sounds what should be the death knell to M. Night Shyamalan's career.
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.
 (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 The best way to watch The Last Airbender is probably with your eyes closed.
 (A.O. Scott, New York Times)
 I see a dead career.
 (Robbie Collin, News of the World)
 I didn’t think it was possible for him to make something worse than his Lady in the Water or The Happening. But he has managed it.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Please let it be the last Shyamalan.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
Amazing! The best Resident Evil yet.
 More insulting than the stereotyping and the horrifying horror clichés is the fact that the formulaic tale even has the nerve to end on a cliffhanger, setting us up for yet another sequel. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me five times? I don't think so.
 (Kam Williams, NewsBlaze)
 Like a poorly made cream puff - fancy and somewhat rarified on the outside, as empty as an airhead's thought process on the inside
 (Bill Gibron,
 Epitomizes what movies written largely by software and marketing committees look like.
 (Jay Antani, Moving Pictures Magazine)
 Afterlife lacks tension, dread, angst, humor — you name an emotion, it's not there.
 (Ed Gonzalez, Slant Magazine)
 A tedious mess of half-realized ideas, guided by a filmmaker who really shouldn’t be allowed to make movies in the first place.
 (Brian Orndorf,
 A fate worse than Afterdeath.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Dinner for Schmucks (2010)
**** Outrageously funny! The funniest movie of the year!
 More than just sour and mean-spirited; it's lurching, desperate and borderline incomprehensible – a movie whose characters act according to no known precept of recognizable human behavior.
 (Christopher Kelly, Dallas Morning News)
 At times unbearable to watch, Dinner for Schmucks is disguised as a movie with profound life lessons about friendship and acceptance. If you really get swindled into believing this comedy has heart, please raise your hand. There’s this dinner I’d like to invite you to.
 (Kiko Martinez, San Antonio News)
 Roach's remake manages both mean-spiritedness and timidity the same time. That's some feat — moviemaking for boneheads.
 (Tom Shone, Slate)
 There's not a trace of actual COMEDY in it whatsoever. Laugh? Reader, I barely flexed a tonsil... Has it been beamed to earth from a parallel universe? Or is it just rubbish? Frankly, it doesn't matter.
 (Robbie Collin, News of the World)
 A movie of zero emotional intelligence.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Due Date (2010)
Hilarious! Due Date is side-splitting, roll in the aisle, can't stop laughing 'til it hurts funny.
 As in the most useless sitcoms, the laffs depend entirely on someone behaving as ridiculously as possible, in uninteresting ways devised by the dullest minds.
 (Kyle Smith, New York Post)
 A painful comedy in the lowest-common-denominator mold.
 (Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing)
 A relentlessly-offensive bottom-feeder of no redeeming social value which I learned in law school is the Supreme Court's definition of obscene.
 (Kam Williams,
 Simply unfunny, obnoxious and mean-spirited. I might also add that it's thinly plotted and annoying, but there's no point in kicking the movie while it's down.
 (Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress)
 Due Date joins Furry Vengeance and I'm Still Here on the list of the year's worst movies.
 (Daniel M. Kimmel, New England Movies Weekly)
 Not so much a road movie as a cultural car-crash… The comedy climax of Due Date involves one of the characters shooting the other, then vomiting over him. Tragically, that is what passes for humour these days.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon (2011)
The summer blockbuster has been transformed forever!… Phenomenal! The most exciting movie of the year. Transformers: Dark of the Moon is total awesomeness.. You’ll be blown away.… This is the 3D experience you have been waiting for! It’s amazing. The 3D is like nothing you have ever seen before. You just won’t see the movie. You’ll actually feel like you are in the movie.
 A work of ineffable soullessness and persistent moral idiocy.
 (Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune)
 The picture isn’t just poorly written, with streams of cliché that one can only hope are intended as send-ups of wretched dialogue, but also badly shot and edited.
 (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 A visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I've had at the movies.
 (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 One small step for action movies, one giant leap into the abyss of mindlessness.
 (Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
 In which director Michael Bay perpetrates another junkyard fiasco that turns the volume up to 11 and the IQ to -1.
 (Anthony Quinn, Independent)
 The ethos is perfectly captured in a scene where Ms Huntington-Whiteley poses next to a classic car, and the camera explores her body while another character waxes lyrical about the curves of the chassis. It’s a hi-tech Benny Hill Show, minus the laughs.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Hall Pass (2011)
Outrageous. Unpredictable.
 Noxious in the extreme, growing into an endurance test the longer one has to spend with these two louts posing as protagonists.
 (Dustin Putman,
 It's crude, for sure, relentlessly so, but it's also just dumb and, when it tries to get something close to serious, kind of depressing.
 (Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic)
 Garbage waiting for the dump truck. The latest assault on public decency from the pathetic oeuvre of the Farrelly brothers is the same old swill, wrapped in odor-resistant disposable trash bags.
 (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
 Hall Pass is outright hideous and also embarrassing, like a creepy uncle sporting a backwards baseball cap and cracking bad, lewd jokes for the under-thirties. At a funeral... The scenario, from page one, is sexist manure. Nothing anyone does makes sense, is watchable, or advances beyond astonishingly dated stereotypes: you can count the laughs on the fingers of your clenched fists.
 (Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
 Terrible... an orgy of crudity that could only appeal to adolescents too young to be admitted.
 (Philip French, Observer)
The Hangover Part II (2011)
The Wolfpack delivers again!
Someone has finally dared to make a mainstream American comedy in which nothing funny happens.
(Adam Sternberg, New York Times)
It's hard to imagine a more calculating, creatively bankrupt piece of real estate than The Hangover Part II.
(Eric Hynes, Village Voice)
More of a vulgar assault than an attempt at actual comedy.
(Brad Brevet, Rope of Silicon)
Less attractive and far less amusing.
(Philip French, Observer)
The worst sequel of all time.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Animal (2001)
The comedy hit of the summer!
Down to Earth (2001)
The funniest man in America will have you laughing until it hurts!
Harrison's Flowers (2002)
**** Powerful compelling and important.
Paid in Full (2002)
Powerful, edgy and intense!
Showtime (2002)
The Laughs Never Stop! Murphy and DeNiro are a comedic dynamic duo in this insanely funny and incredibly entertaining movie.
White Oleander (2002)
A **** Classic! One of the year's best films!
Red Dragon (2002)
A suspenseful masterpiece!
Hey Arnold! The Movie (2002)
You'll love this movie!
Scooby Doo (2002)
Super Doo-per funtastic!
Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Public Enemies (2009)
Public Enemies is a gangster movie classic.
Adventureland (2009)
It’s an instant classic.
The Soloist (2009)
Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. soar in the most moving film of the year.
Cirque du Freak (2009)
Clever, original and totally entertaining!
2012 (2009)
The most exciting film of the year!
Where The Wild Things Are (2009)
A true masterpiece. One of the most creative, original and visionary movies ever made.
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
The Losers (2010)
Smokin' hot. Ultra sexy. A winner.
Morning Glory (2010)
Harrison Ford is terrific. Rachel McAdams will steal your heart. Rachel McAdams is America’s newest sweetheart.
Youth In Revolt (2010)
The most outrageous and inspired comedy in years. The laughs keep coming until you're doubled over begging for more. Joyfully funny and subversively smart.
Legion (2010)
Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga-hoole (2010)
Thrilling! Visually stunning! You haven’t seen anything like it before.
Just Wright (2010)
Sexy, fun and fresh! Queen Latifah and Common are perfect together. Just Wright is a soulful romantic classic you'll instantly fall in love with.
Let Me In (2010)
A truly haunting and mesmerizing masterpiece!
Letters to Juliet (2010)
****. Loved it! Sophisticated, charming and heartfelt! Vanessa Redgrave is sensational and Amanda Seyfried will absolutely steal your heart!
Burlesque (2010)
Christina can sing. She can dance. She can act. And she'll blow you away.
Unknown (2011)
****. Exhilarating. Unknown is the first great movie of the year!
Horrible Bosses (2011)
The funniest comedy of the year.
What's the Worst That Could Happen? (2001)
Danny DeVito is terrific!
Evelyn (2002)
A perfect holiday film.
Undercover Brother (2002)
**** Undercover Brother is Right On!
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