movie film review | chris tookey
 
 

Jim Ferguson

 
 

Fox-TV, USA

 
 
   
 

Quote Whore Quotient : 102

 Quote Whore Status : 6th
 
 
   
102 Dalmatians (2000)
The perfect holiday movie!
 
 Creatively bankrupt... pointless and offensive.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 A typical sequel from hell.
 
  (Tom Keogh, Film.com)
 
 Appallingly irritating. Glenn Close is ionospherically over the top, grimacing and leering in a world of her own. Gerard Depardieu’s gurning turn as her evil helpmeet will require every cinema owner to hire a priest to stand in the foyer and say a requiem mass for his career.
 
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
The League of Extraordinary Gentleman (2003)
In a summer of sequels, finally a ride worth taking. LXG is the most original action-adventure of the summer.
 
 Incomprehensible action, idiotic dialogue, inexplicable motivations, causes without effects, effects without causes, and general lunacy. What a mess.
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 In a summer of high-octane action and testosterone-boosted thrills, this movie is out of its league.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 Where’s the excitement, the thrills, the tension, the style?
 
  (Derek Adams, Time Out)
 
 An epic of silliness and ineptitude.
 
  (Anthony Quinn, Independent )
 
 A big, stupid mess.
 
  (Peter Whittle, Sunday Times)
 
Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (2003)
Fun Fun Fun! A very funny summer comedy! This is vintage David Spade.
 
 There’s something about the smarmy David Spade that brings out the worst impulses in a person – that nasal whine, the snotty insincerity, and that stringy hair all make you want to slap him senseless and then some.
 
  (Steve Davis, Austin Chronicle)
 
 It’s buried by several false assumptions, the main one being that anyone in Britain cares for charmless, charisma-free American TV comic David Spade, a vacuum at the movie’s heart where a lead actor should be.
 
  (David Gritten, Daily Telegraph)
 
 Maudlin, mirthless drivel from the Dream Factory's nightmare annexe.
 
  (Nigel Andrews, Financial Times)
 
 Stale schmaltz.
 
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 The film is about as funny as being given a lift by a suicide bomber on his way to work.
 
 (Philip French, Observer)
 
 Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is executive-produced by Adam Sandler and bears many of the hallmarks of that comic colossus: a love of sadistic humour, vast amounts of smutty misogyny interspersed with moments of gut-wrenching sentimentality, and a leading actor (in this case, David Spade) with no charm or plausibility whatsoever.
 
The Reaping (2007)
An outstanding supernatural thriller.
 
 Notable for its enthusiastic abandonment of any semblance of narrative coherence.
 
  (Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail)
 
 Pitiful excuse for a horror film.
 
 (Wesley Morris, Boston Globe)
 
 This high-decibel shocker is an insult to intelligence and faith alike.
 
 (J.R. Jones, Chicago Reader)
 
 Virtually unreleasable.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 The Sleeping would have been preferable.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Evan Almighty (2007)
Both adults and kids will laugh and scream during this hilarious comedy. Steve Carell, lots of animals and Morgan Freeman as God, you can’t ask for anything more in a comedy!
 
 It's an almighty, humorless bore.
 
 (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 
 It marks an unfortunate low point in the history of recent American comedy.
 
 (Robert Wilonsky, Village Voice)
 
 This is movie-making by and for dummies.
 
 (Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal)
 
 A colossal dud.
 
 (Michael Sragow, Baltimore Sun)
 
 Avoid like the Ten Plagues.
 
 (Phelim O’Neill, Guardian)
 
 There are more jokes in any chapter of the Book of Job than in the whole of Evan Almighty.
 
 (Philip French, Observer)
 
 A comedic disaster of biblical proportions.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Evening (2007)
A classic! A must-see!
 
 There are few things more depressing than a weeper that doesn't make you weep.
 
 (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 Affected and overwrought.
 
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 Schlock.
 
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 
 A contrived tear-jerker that will make you weep with the sheer tedium of its inept drama.
 
 (Cosmo Landesman, Sunday Times)
 
 Boring soap opera with cardboard characters… cumbersome claptrap.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Rush Hour 3 (2007)
Jackie and Chris have never been funnier!
 
 As desperate and static as being trapped in a traffic jam.
 
 (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 
 The junky, clunky, grimly unfunny follow-up to the marginally better Rush Hour 2 and the significantly finer Rush Hour, isn’t the worst movie of the summer. But it’s an enervating bummer nonetheless, largely because it shows so little respect for its two likable stars and its audience.
 
  (Manohla Dargis, New York Times)
 
 Rush Hour 3 is DOA.
 
 (Scott Schueller, Chicago Tribune)
 
 It just signals a series that's plainly out of gas.
 
 (Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle)
 
 It's hard to think of a sadder commentary about Hollywood's sequel fetish than the existence of Rush Hour 3. Dull, uninspired, and redundant, this third pointless movie in an action/comedy franchise that defines mediocrity doesn't even try to disguise the fact that its existence is a money-grab.
 
 (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
The Love Guru (2008)
Hilarious!
 
 The most joy-draining 88 minutes I've ever spent outside a hospital waiting room.
 
 (Dana Stevens, Slate)
 
 This Mike Myers vehicle exemplifies American comedy's continuing slide into infantilism.
 
 (Andrea Gronvall, Chicago Reader)
 
 Crude, bafflingly unfunny.
 
 (Ken Fox, TV Guide)
 
 An atrocious, idiotic 88 minutes of anti-entertainment.
 
 (Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News)
 
 Ninety minutes pass like an eternity.
 
 (Peter Travers, Rolling Stone)
 
 Unfuckingbelievably unspeakably awful... one of the most inept pathetic terrifyingly awful experiences I've ever suffered through.
 
 (Harry Knowles, Ain’t It Cool News)
 
 Hindus have complained about being stereotyped in Mike Myers’ The Love Guru, but why shouldn’t the rest of us protest as well? The best way to endure this squalid, rancid mess without wanting to weep or disown our membership of the human race would be to attend it under general anaesthetic.
 
  (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
New In Town (2009)
Renee Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr. have great chemistry.
 
 A romantic comedy so condescending, so stupid and so utterly devoid of laughs, charm or recognizable entertainment value that I kept waiting for Kate Hudson to show up at some point to take over the lead role.
 
 (Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic.com)
 
 Serious competition for Bride Wars and Paul Blart: Mall Cop in the already heated race for worst movie of 2009.
 
 (Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly)
 
 Irredeemably moronic.
 
 (Michael Sragow, Baltimore Sun)
 
 The film starts off as a tedious, lifeless ordeal and it stays that way with a vengeance.
 
 (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 So shockingly inept, it might have been churned out by some cheap screenwriting software, programmed to write a non-musical, less entertaining version of The Pajama Game, or a Frank Capra movie for half-wits.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)
Hilarious! McConaughey and Garner deliver.
 
 It will make you long for a day when studio movies about relationships feel like they are by and for adults who have actually been in one.
 
 (Melissa Anderson, Village Voice)
 
 Poorly written, indifferently directed, it’s multiplex filler at its worst… You walk out feeling as though you’ve lost brain cells just watching it.
 
 (Marshall Fine, Hollywood and Fine)
 
 Clumps through one witless if not wince-evoking sequence after another without the relief of laughter.
 
 (Kirk Honeycutt, Hollywood Reporter)
 
 A Dickens of a bad idea.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Leap Year (2010)
A charming love story. Chemistry galore!
 
 We’re supposed to root for these two? I was hoping for a freak lightning storm to strike these idiots down, or perhaps a Guinness flood to wash them away.
 
 (Brian Orndorf, Filmjerk.com)
 
 Afterwards the only “leap” I felt like making was off a motorway gantry into the fast line of the M25.
 
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 Abysmal... [Matthew] Goode knows full well what a terrible film he’s stuck in.
 (Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
 
 Astonishingly inept.
 
 (John Walsh, Independent)
 
 Leap years come round every four years, but dispiriting romcoms appear at least four times every year, and this is one of the very worst.
 
  (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)
A high-flying family adventure.
 
 A lazy, painfully dull, unfunny and nauseatingly silly action comedy that should have gone direct-to-DVD.
 
 (Avi Offer, NYC Movie Guru)
 
 Why isn't there a group that protects moviegoers from films like Cats & Dogs? Something like: The Don't Underestimate Moviegoer Brainpower Society — or DUMBS.
 
 (Gary Wolcott, Tri-City Herald)
 
 The kitties and puppies are cute to look at, no doubt, but your average cat on YouTube is far more charming than anything in this kitty litter.
 
 (Adam Graham, Detroit News)
 
 Going to see Cats & Dogs would be daft at any time of year. While Toy Story 3's still in cinemas, it's outright lunacy.
 
 (Robbie Collin, News of the World)
 
When in Rome (2010)
Wild and fun!
 
 All roads here lead to blandness and inanity.
 
 (Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News)
 
 Please, Gods of love, make this movie disappear.
 
 (Connie Ogle, Miami Herald)
 
 In the case of When in Rome, oh to do what the Romans used to do: Toss the bloody thing to the lions.
 
 (Rick Groen, Globe and Mail)
 
 Keep your coin far away from this toxic fountain of crap.
 
 (Joshua Rothkopf, Time Out New York)
 
 Half-witted Romecom.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Yogi Bear (2010)
The perfect family movie for the holidays. It's big, 3-D fun!
 
 An uninspired studio product that demands as little from the audience as it did from its writers, directors and actors.
 
 (Dan Kois, Washington Post)
 
 Yogi Bear is a big boo-boo.
 
 (Claudia Puig, USA Today)
 
 Painful, a frenetic, unfunny mix of action, romance, dud dialogue, and icky things popping out of the screen.
 
 (Ty Burr, Boston Globe)
 
 A smarter-than-average bear becomes a dumber-than-usual kiddie flick with Yogi Bear, the lone Christmas release specifically aimed at children, so it automatically qualifies as their lump of coal.
 
 (Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times)
 
 Unbearable.
 
 (Marjorie Baumgarten, Austin Chronicle)
 
 
Murder at 1600 (1997)
This murder-thriller at the White House is a wild, high-tech ride - you’ll love it!
Bless the Child (2000)
Spellbinding! Excellent cast led by Kim Basinger, makes this supernatural thriller work. Get a big box of popcorn and enjoy.
3000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
A great heist movie... Costner plays the ultimate bad guy.
Along Came a Spider (2001)
This year's best suspense-thriller. Thought-provoking suspense at its best. You won't want it to end.
Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)
He's back and the crocodile man takes on the LA sharks! Paul Hogan has a few lessons for LA bad guys!
Driven (2001)
Experience the Thrill Ride!
What a Girl Wants (2003)
Finally a great movie for the whole family.
The In-Laws (2003)
Nonstop fun and laughs.
Alex and Emma (2003)
The best romantic comedy of the year.
Brother Bear (2003)
The holiday film we’ve all been waiting for!
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)
Bigger and better than the original. Finally, a heroine for all. Angelina Jolie takes Lara Croft to the limit. This sequel rocks!
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003)
The final Spy Kids adventure is pure joy.
Along Came Polly (2003)
Hilarious. Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston are supported by a great cast which makes Along Came Polly a winner. What a great way to start the new year.
Van Helsing (2004)
An incredible movie with great action! Writer/Director Stephen Sommers takes the genre to another level with an amazing vision. Hugh Jackman is a hero for the generations.
Along Came Polly (2004)
Hilarious. Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston are supported by a great cast which makes Along Came Polly a winner. What a great way to start the new year.
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004)
Mystery Inc does it again. This time better than ever.
A Cinderella Story (2004)
The perfect summer comedy for the whole family. Hilary Duff makes the perfect Cinderella.
Bandslam (2009)
Destined to be the surprise hit of the summer!
Clash of the Titans (2010)
Take this fantastic journey... A non-stop action adventure with state-of-the-art special effects.
Burlesque (2010)
A must-see.
Kangaroo Jack (2003)
An action comedy for the entire family!
The Last Samurai (2003)
A truly remarkable film that touches your heart.
Troy (2004)
A masterpiece! Brad Pitt's portrayal of Achilles is masterful!
Home on the Range (2004)
Udderly hilarious.
Around the World in 80 Days (2004)
Hilarious! Jackie Chan does it again!
 
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