movie film review | chris tookey

Shebah Ronay


News of the World, UK


Quote Whore Quotient : 41

 Quote Whore Status : 21st
Ali G Indahouse (2002)
Pant-wetting, jaw-aching, side-splitting, comedy genius.
 The movie doesn’t begin to work because the story’s pathetic and the gags are puerile.
  (The Wolf, Inside Out)
 Crass in all the wrong ways... This film needs to be longer, filthier and uncut. What's the point of Ali G if he doesn't go the whole way?... Most comedians sell out in their forties; Cohen's only 31. Good God, man, why the rush?
  (Caroline O'Sullivan, Independent)
 One of Britain’s most lauded young comedians has ended up on the same mental plane as some drearily controversial pub bore. Check out Ali’s views on female refugees: “We’ve got too many mingas. Why don’t we just let in all the fit refugees and turn away all the rank ones?” Cut to a scene of this actually happening, as busty blondes waltz through immigration and a plain one is ordered back home. Funny, eh? It’s about as hilarious as another vignette - considered hilarious enough to be flogged twice - which shows a pouting Thai ambassador to the UN shooting ping-pong balls out of her crotch.
  (Jenny McCartney, Sunday Telegraph)
 The laziest and most obnoxious British comedy since Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson's abysmal Guest House Paradiso… Instead of a storyline, the film resembles a collection of half-baked sketches assembled by someone with attention deficit syndrome. Even at 88 minutes, it feels padded out to four times its natural length… I really, really, really hated this movie. What it says about our national culture when intelligent people stoop to this level, doesn't bear thinking about.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Men in Black II (2002)
Heaps of action and tons of comedy make this pure entertainment.
 What was fresh and original in the first film feels tired, stale, and unfunny here.
  (Michael Elliott, Movie Parables)
 They're going through the motions, but the zip is gone.
  (Ann Hornaday, Washington Post)
 Soulless and uninspired.
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 A painfully disappointing sequel to a funny and ingenious movie.
 (Philip French, Observer)
 Clearly rushed into production without an even vaguely viable script, by slow-witted space aliens who didn't have a clue why humans thought the first film was funny.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
The Actors (2003)
Michael Caine is hilarious... Hysterically funny.
 Shamingly bad... The lazy kids’ TV plotting and the absence of comic sense from anyone - including a hatful of star names who may wish to have the film airbrushed from the record - are dispiriting.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 It’s resolutely misguided and mistimed and so chillingly unfunny not even the seventh-hour sight of Caine in drag with his hair on fire can save it.
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 A failure.
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 A shockingly lazy screenplay by Conor MacPherson, who (as his stage play The Weir suggested, is capable of better) is given wretched direction, also by Conor McPherson. Michael Caine and Michael Gambon have both been hammier, but not much, and even their worst performances, in Bullseye! and Toys respectively, were less of an ordeal to sit through than this. Sitcom actor Dylan Moran, so good as the harassed bookshop proprietor in Black Books, is pitiful in a career-destroying debut. He shouts and overacts in a way that is not only unpleasant but embarrassing. Producer Neil Jordan, who can also be blamed for writing the story, has made rotten comedies before, including the Sean Penn-Robert De Niro atrocity We're No Angels. This is even more abysmal, and confirms that he has no talent for comedy whatsoever.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
5 stars!
 This is not merely one of the worst films in recent memory but it could well go down as one of the worst things ever conceived by human hands - that is, if it gave any evidence that was actually made by human beings instead of by robots hell-bent on destroying humanity by turning human minds to mush.
  (Peter Sobczynski, Critic Doctor)
 The worst movie of the year.
  (Chuck Schwartz, Cranky Critic)
 An action movie so loud, stupid and unbelievable that it will alienate proud fans of loud, stupid and unbelievable action movies.
  (Phil Villarreal, Arizona Daily Star)
 Watching Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is like being trapped inside a pinball machine operated by a 6-year-old having a sugar rush.
  (Kirk Honeycutt, Hollywood Reporter)
 Grim going unless you’re an exceptionally witless 13 year-old.
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 This is basically one long, loathsome commercial for the ladette culture, which dictates that young women become as coarse, sexually exploitative and violent as the worst kind of men… This is a dumb movie that's so smug and self-satisfied in its own dumbness, everyone involved looks in need of a good slap.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
A horror classic. ****
 Kicks off as a cheap piece of retro schlock and quickly devolves into a putrid bloodbath with a thin narrative made utterly indecipherable by the first-time director's clueless approach to filmmaking,
  (Megan Lehmann, New York Post)
 Rob Zombie wrote and directed this foul retrograde horror, showcasing his adoration of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre movies, real-life serial killers, and pervy shots of blondes cuddling up to skeletons. Lovely. To quote a corpse-in-waiting: “Could we just, like, go now?”
 (Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph)
 A horribly violent, unimaginative rip-off of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies. Dripping with gore, voyeuristic in its titillating shots of women terrified out of their wits, and hopelessly confused as a piece of storytelling, this repulsive shambles was presumably designed to be campy fun. It isn't.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
Down With Love (2003)
The cutest film of the year... saucy, stylish and sexy... I loved it.
 Appallingly terrible from start to finish.
  (Victoria Alexander,
 Reminded me of a handsome, expensively dressed person with bad manners and no real sense of style.
  (Joe Baltake, Sacramento Bee)
 It's too dull and hackneyed for the satirical spoof it intends to be, and the actors and director miss the charm and humor of the old Doris Day movies by a margin so wide it doesn't add up to a respectful homage, either.
  (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
 The film is juvenile when it should be adult, coarse when it ought to be bubbly, and upfront when witty circumspection is indicated.
  (Maitland McDonagh, TV Guide'S Movie Guide)
 This gave me a migraine so bad I virtually had to be hospitalised. The idea is to revive the udson/ Doris Day pillow talk comedy in uber-pastiche form, adding yet nore archness and irony, while subtracting any innocence or unassuming charm that might conceivably have made you feel affectionate about it in the first place... Ewan, kitted out in sharp suitings, is as attractive as a stoat in a tux.
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 Shot like the Doris Day-Rock Hudson movie from Hell, and acted with an archness that kills every laugh stone dead, the film makes Renee Zellweger look plain and puffy. Ewan McGregor comes across as a talentless amateur. Ugly, unfunny and utterly devoid of charm, it flopped in the States, and no wonder: it's painful to watch - a smirky turkey.
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
DareDevil (2003)
Sensational! Easily gives The Matrix a run for its money.
The Rules of Attraction (2003)
The coolest film of the year.
The Singing Detective (2003)
A truly memorable flick. One of the best performances of the year. ****
Along Came Polly (2003)
Rib-achingly funny.
The Terminal (2004)
Superb... Hanks at his Oscar-winning best.
Shark Tale (2004)
Jawsome. A must-sea.
Alfie (2004)
***** “Brilliant! Every man will want to be him and every woman to be with him.
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Effortlessly cool... not only funnier, but sexier than Ocean’s Eleven.
The Bourne Identity (2002)
Exhilarating... pulse pounding... totally unforgettable and magnetic... a spy story for the next generation.
The Guru (2002)
Movie magic! You’ll laugh ‘til it hurts.
28 Days Later (2002)
Don’t miss this movie! It’s awesome!
Bright Young Things (2003)
Full of life and energy…delicious scenarios that will make you giggle. Terrific performances… sparkling play…engrossing.
The Life of David Gale (2003)
Spacey is spellbinding.
The Italian Job (2003)
A perfect date movie... stylish and confident.
Monster-in-Law (2005)
Laugh-out-loud funny.
 Back to top 
Key to Symbols