movie film review | chris tookey
 
 

David Sheehan

 
 

KCBS-TV, USA

 
 
   
 

Quote Whore Quotient : 42

 Quote Whore Status : 20th
 
 
   
Bicentennial Man (1999)
The most beautiful movie of the millennium.
 
 What a letdown.
 
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 It's frequently witless and entirely lacks conviction.
 
  (Peter Howell, Toronto Star)
 
 Feels like 200 years of dullness.
 
  (Jackie Loohauis, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
 
 When the house lights came up at the end, the audience I was in just sat there, slack-jawed with silent horror, like the man in Edvard Munch’s The Scream. I am virtually having to write this on an IV drip... The time has come to tell the truth: Robin Williams is the Antichrist of sentimental screen comedy.
 
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 Time and time again, Williams insists on playing the idiot savant or caring clown, and if I see that expression of sensitive wonderment on his face one more time, I’ll thcweam and thcweam until I’m thick.
 
  (Anne Billson, Sunday Telegraph)
 
 Perhaps, one day, there will be robot film reviewers. And if they beg not to be sent to Robin Williams movies, we’ll know they are developing human feelings.
 
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 
 Nicholas Kazan's screenplay lacks just about everything - wit, conflict, laughs and, most of all, human interest. Instead of being a thoughtful piece about what it means to be human, it is just another bland, soulless, sanitised product from the Hollywood conveyor belt.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
What's the Worst That Could Happen? (2001)
The laughs are big.
 
 In answer to the question posed by the title, I can't in all honesty say, “This movie.” But that's only because there are far too many Freddy Got Fingereds and Say It Isn't Sos out there. The fact that What's the Worst That Could Happen? is better than these movies should in no way be misconstrued as even a backhanded compliment. It's like comparing stale, moldy, rancid bread with soggy, stale, moldy, rancid bread. Both are equally probable to turn one's stomach, and, if ingested, likely to require some time spent kneeling in front of a toilet bowl.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 An inane hodgepodge of heist comedy and sluggish romance, with only a few flashes of anything resembling funny.
 
 (Tor Thorsen, Reel.com)
 
 Torpid snoozer.
 
  (Vera H-C Chan, Contra Costa Times)
 
 So clumsily constructed and crudely performed that it's numbingly unfunny.
 
  (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 
 I'd rather watch a forgotten houseplant dehydrate and die.
 
  (Michael Atkinson, Village Voice)
 
 
Dragonfly (2002)
A great movie! Totally absorbing! The most rewarding movie of the year!
 
 A journey of unimaginable tedium.
 
  (Christopher Null, Filmcritic.com)
 
 As the movie dragged on, I thought I heard a mysterious voice, and felt myself powerfully drawn toward the light - the light of the exit sign. I have returned from the beyond to warn you: this movie is 90 minutes long, and life is too short.
 
  (A.O. Scott, New York Times)
 
 A numbingly pretentious project.
 
  (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
 
 Sappy, mechanical tripe.
 
  (Jonathan Foreman, New York Post)
 
 The dragonfly is a sleek, graceful insect that doesn't deserve to have its reputation sullied by being associated with this pile of offal.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 
 Nauseating, new age tosh, too silly to be spiritual and too dumb to be scary. Bring out the insect repellant.
 
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 
 Sanctimonious, cheesy and an insult to the intelligence, not to mention the recently bereaved.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Analyze That (2002)
One of the funniest movies of the year!
 
 Dull and awful.
 
  (Desson Howe, Washington Post)
 
 Patient suffers from serious delusions of humour and a desire to cash in on previously successful strategies.
 
  (Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail)
 
 After a session with this sorry sequel, you may need grief counseling.
 
  (E! Online)
 
 Shows signs of severe strain and desperation.
 
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 
 Analyze That is to comedy what asbestos is to healthy lungs: a smothering, life-sapping pain.
 
  (Nev Pierce, BBCi)
 
 This is the Hollywood machine at its mercenary worst.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
National Security (2003)
Hilarious! Wild Comic Brilliance!
 
 Combines a sour story with a repellent lead character, deadly comic schtick and tin-eared direction to produce 90 minutes of sheer, plodding mirthlessness.
 
  (Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle)
 
 Something very rare happened to me as I watched the keening awfulness of National Security unspool before my eyes: my jaw slowly widened, until I realized that I was indeed illustrating what “jaw-droppingly bad” truly means.
 
  (Scott Weinberg, Efilmcritic.com)
 
 Like its star, the movie is loud, tactless and spectacularly unfunny.
 
  (Josh Larsen, Sun Publications)
 
 Is there anything worse than a Martin Lawrence movie?
 
  (Kevin N. Laforest, Montreal Film Journal)
 
 Aimed at people whose knuckles graze the ground when they walk. Avoid at all costs.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
Jungle Book 2 (2003)
Pure joy! The best family movie in a decade.
 
 A pathetic excuse for an animated feature, with only slightly more than an hour of action, a thin plot that returns to very familiar details and themes, and only two new songs.
 
  (Daphne Gordon, Toronto Star)
 
 The Jungle Book 2 is an indicator of how far Disney has fallen, although I can't recall the Magic Kingdom ever releasing a worse animated feature into multiplexes.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 Thin and unsatisfying... Disney can do better, will do better, usually does better. To release this film theatrically is a compromise of its traditions and standards.
 
  (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 The naked greed of capitalism can be an ugly sight, and with Disney it doesn't come much uglier than The Jungle Book 2.
 
  (Jeffrey Westhoff, Northwest Herald)
 
 Glib, cynical, witless, and thoughtless.
 
  (Eugene Novikov, Ultimate Movies!)
 
Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
The best picture of the year by far! Mona Lisa Smile will put a smile on your face, in your heart, and in your mind.
 
 An exercise in relentless mediocrity.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 What can one say about a movie that celebrates nonconformity by conforming to every Hollywood cliche in the book?
 
  (David Ansen, Newsweek)
 
 The college atmosphere is almost never convincing, and sentimentality trumps substance at every opportunity.
 
  (David Sterritt, Christian Science Monitor)
 
 If the women of the 1950s were really this stupid, there would have never been a feminism movement.
 
  (Phil Villarreal, Arizona Daily Star)
 
 Mike Newell’s uncomfortable and lifeless movie gives us a desperately insincere lite-feminist version of Dead Poets Society.
 
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 Devoid of enjoyment, intelligence or interest.
 
  (Nev Pierce, BBCi)
 
 A dated costume drama, full of stale moralising and tired indignation. Roberts never finds a voice for Katherine, just a series of policy statements.
 
  (Cosmo Landesman, Sunday Times)
 
Raising Helen (2004)
The summer's first great comedy is here.
 
 I needn’t tell you how blonde Kate [Hudson] comes to adjudicate between the competing merits of Manhattan party-life and the family values of hearth and home. Before she could reach these conclusions, however, I was idly looking at the cinema ceiling, to see if there was a beam I could throw a rope over. When Kate has to tell the little boy that he should make an effort in basketball because that’s what his dad woulda wanted, I was pondering the rope’s strength. And when John Corbett, playing a Lutheran pastor who’s smitten with Helen, tells her he’s a “sexy man o’ God”, I was mentally allowing the rough texture of the noose to nuzzle my neck.
 
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 
 Revolting mix of Sex and the City and The Waltons.
 
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 
 A processed, cellophane-wrapped schmaltz fest, the film is even more pious in its sentimentality than might be expected.
 
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 Schmaltz... Tedious, long-winded and unfunny.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
40 Days & 40 Nights (2002)
Highly Erotic, Comedic Fun!
Showtime (2002)
A truly hilarious mix of gags, guns, giggles and clever character comedy. Eddie Murphy and Robert DeNiro make the year's most Dynamic Comedy Duo.
Drumline (2002)
It'll have you dancing in your seat! Indescribably delightful…Incredibly inspiring.
Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (2002)
A total delight!
Bringing Down the House (2003)
Outrageously funny! I laughed ‘til I cried!
Haunted Mansion (2003)
Delicious entertainment! Eddie Murphy is the super-funny super-ghostbuster of the new millennium!
Lilo & Stitch (2002)
The perfect mix of action and heart!
Possession (2002)
Gwyneth Paltrow is performance perfection, surpassing her Shakespeare in Love brilliance.
White Oleander (2002)
A compelling and truthful movie with Oscar quality performances by Michelle Pfeiffer and Alison Lohman.
The Last Samurai (2003)
An elegant adventure of the mind and the heart. Tom Cruise is superb.
 
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