movie film review | chris tookey
 
 

Joel Siegel

 
 

Good Morning America, USA

 
 
   
 

Quote Whore Quotient : 34

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Speed 2 – Cruise Control (1997)
A great summer film.
 
 Bad. Really bad. It is, in fact, fascinating in its badness, because it lays bare the mechanics of a desperate formula that is usually better camouflaged.
 
  (Brian D. Johnson, Maclean's)
 
 Call this one dead in the water. Like the mammoth cruise ship on which the movie is set, Speed 2: Cruise Control is big, bulky and going nowhere.
 
  (Leah Rozen, People Weekly)
 
 As Einstein pointed out, two hours in a movie theater can feel like eternity if you're going nowhere fast.
 
  (Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly)
 
 I left the theatre drenched in disappointment and missing Keanu Reeves. What is Jason Patric, after all, but Keanu without the passion, fire and intellect?
 
  (Anthony Lane, New Yorker)
 
 Quite a few Hollywood blockbusters operate on the assumption that we have the attention span of a sea squirt - a creature that uses its brain only once, to find a suitable resting place, and then digests it. But Speed 2 is something new - a movie so dumb that it seems to have been written not only for sea squirts, but by them... Speed 2 founders with all hands, and sinks to new depths.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Men in Black II (2002)
Funnier than the first!
 
 What was fresh and original in the first film feels tired, stale, and unfunny here.
 
  (Michael Elliott, Movie Parables)
 
 They're going through the motions, but the zip is gone.
 
  (Ann Hornaday, Washington Post)
 
 Devoid of momentum, magnetism and anything remotely resembling substance.
 
  (Shawn Levy, Oregonian)
 
 For all the frenetic action, FX fireworks and occasional funny lines, this really is a soulless and uninspired blockbuster in which nothing of very great interest actually happens.
 
 (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 A painfully disappointing sequel to a funny and ingenious movie.
 
 (Philip French, Observer)
 
 
Scary Movie 3 (2003)
Funnier than the first two…I fell down laughing…This is funny, funny, funny!
 
 If a film can't make you laugh when American Idol host Simon Cowell gets shot at a freestyle rap competition, something is seriously wrong.
 
  (Kim Morgan, Reel.com)
 
 When the filmmakers started out two films ago, the Scary Movies were funny. Since then, it has been a rapid decline through mediocrity into near-unwatchability... This is comedy at its worst.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 Nearly every scene comes down to people punching each other or bumping into things.
 
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 Most of the gags involve small children being physically abused or sexually molested, so I suppose it will find an audience, though not one that you would wish to encounter outside a prison. I wrote of the first Scary Movie that it was at least 40 IQ points stupider than the movies it satirised. Make that 50.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
The Cat in the Hat (2003)
It doesn't get much better than this. A perfect marriage of Mike Myers mayhem and Dr. Seuss silly. A little bit of our childhoods live again.
 
 The Cat in the Hat is perhaps the worst holiday movie ever made.
 
  (John Anderson, Newsday)
 
 Judging from this humorless monstrosity, the Cat team spent 10 years working on their film’s decorative appearance and a combined 10 minutes writing sleazy jokes and a catastrophic script that I wouldn’t use to line a litter box.
 
  (Sean O'Connell, Filmcritic.com)
 
 A noisy nightmare, a hugely impersonal, manufactured product. It shows not only a complete disregard for children, but also utter contempt... The Seuss books can be had for less than the price of popcorn, drinks and movie tickets; I urge you to stay home and read. Even staring at the wall is better than this.
 
  (Jeffrey M. Anderson, San Francisco Examiner)
 
 An insult to the original and offers depressing, distressing insights into the way Hollywood regards children as mini-consumers to be exploited with cavalier disregard for the consequences. The Cat in the Hat may pose as family entertainment, but really it is an insidious form of child abuse… This film appears to have been made by people who really, really hate children and can’t wait to remove every vestige of innocence, taste and notion of self-discipline from their upbringing.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
De-lovely (2004)
What a treasure. I see the Oscar word all over this movie.
 
 The movie has the air of something that's been in the morgue's icebox for a week.
 
  (Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post)
 
 
 The kind of escapist entertainment that has one hunting for an escape route.
 
  (John Anderson, Newsday)
 
 It is my sad duty to tell you it is wooden, artificial, contrived, infuriating.
 
  (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
 
 You enter a movie with that title, prepared to be enchanted. You straggle out a couple of hours later, lost in a fog of gloom.
 
  (Richard Schickel, Time Magazine)
 
 How this got to be released at all is a major mystery, when the proper course of action would be to intern all the extant prints in a lead-lined vault inside a decommissioned submarine and send it to the bottom of the Pacific... Kevin Kline gives the worst performance of his or anyone else’s career.
 
  (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
 
 
 
 
 
Down to Earth (2001)
Chris Rocks!
25th Hour (2002)
25th Hour is Spike Lee's best work.
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
Mike Myers is a comic genius!
Bad Company (2002)
Chris Rocks!
Timeline (2003)
Pure popcorn fun at the movies!
Sinbad and the Legend of the Seven Seas (2003)
The most fun, the most exciting action film I've seen this summer.
I Am Sam (2001)
A wonderful movie about the power of the human spirit.
Showtime (2002)
Real funny!
Undercover Brother (2002)
Undercover Brother is hysterically funny!
The Bourne Identity (2002)
The best spy thriller in years! Matt Damon has never been better!
John Q (2002)
John Q. is a powerful human drama. Truly one from the heart.
Antwone Fisher (2002)
More than one of the best films of the year, this is a film that can change people's lives. Antwone Fisher's story is powerful, heart-breaking, life-affirming and true.
Comedian (2003)
"Seriously funny!"
 
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