movie film review | chris tookey
 
 

Bill Zwecker

 
 

(Fox-TV, USA)

 
 
   
 

Quote Whore Quotient : 32

 Quote Whore Status :30th=
 
 
   
Two Can Play That Game (2001)
Go play the ‘game’ - you’ll have a blast!
 
 A clumsy, inept attempt at romantic comedy.
 
  (David Cornelius, Amazing Colossal Website)
 
 Populated by pathetically shallow ‘ players’ of both sexes and very talented actors trapped by their skin color in a tired genre of self-perpetuating stereotypes.
 
  (Rob Blackwelder, Splicedwire)
 
 The movie doesn't just hate women; it despises them.
 
  (Norman Wilner, Toronto Star)
 
 A listless, witless battle-of-the-sexes movie that's nothing more than a canned sitcom with more sex and 'ho' references.
 
  (Loren King, Chicago Tribune)
 
 I shudder at the thought of a 14-year old girl watching this film.
 
  (Scott Weinberg, Apollo Guide)
 
 The film's most depressing aspect is that, although virtually all the characters in it are meant to be high-flying, black professionals, all of them behave with slightly less sophistication and dignity than the dopiest contestants on Big Brother. Although it purports to be from a female standpoint - unusual for an ethnic romantic comedy - the attitudes on display are astonishingly sexist. The women are all either gold-diggers or sexually voracious, or as the leading lady would say, "bitches and ho's". No one involved, least of all British writer-director Mark Brown, seems to notice that the heroine is no more pleasant or moral than the villainness. And poor Morris Chestnut is so bland and lumpish, and so deeply unconvincing as a hotshot lawyer, that he looks like the black community's answer to Josh Hartnett.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
The funniest holiday movie of all time!
 
 This is as dreadful a holiday offering as you're likely to find this year. A lump of coal would be more welcome.
 
  (James Berardinelli, Reelviews)
 
 An hour-plus of the comedian whimpering in squeaky voices is psychosis-inducing, and makes Eight Crazy Nights feel like the ninth circle of hell... An unholy union between saccharine holiday sentiment, gross-out comedy, and fourth-rate animation.
 
  (Tor Thorsen, Reel.com)
 
 Irritating, boring, gross, silly.
 
  (Sue Pierman, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
 
 In a way it pushes back the barriers - deer guzzle sewage, a woman with three breasts swings them back and forth like an executive toy - but perhaps some barriers are better left standing.
 
  (Catherine Shoard, Sunday Telegraph)
 
 This unfunny rubbish wouldn't have been any funnier in live action, but here it lacks even the meagre shock vaue that might have come from having these misdeeds performed by real people. The change of medium thus makes the feebleness of Sandler's talent even more glaringly obvious than it already was.
 
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 A mixture of It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol. However, in neither of those stories did you have to sit through men humping their own cars, shameless product placement and endless, unfunny gags showing flatulence and coprophilia. Adam Sandler's idea of Christmas cheer is to poke fun at the fat, the bald, the epileptic and the incontinent. Who is this junk aimed at? Not children, I hope; yet anyone with an IQ of even double figures will find their stomachs heaving at the feeble songs, crude animation and the grotesque juxtaposition of gross-out cruelty with emetic sentimentality. The resulting film has all the charm and seasonal goodwill of a Christmas tree festooned with faeces.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (2003)
I laughed until I cried... A great spoof of that slippery slope known as fame.
 
 There’s something about the smarmy David Spade that brings out the worst impulses in a person – that nasal whine, the snotty insincerity, and that stringy hair all make you want to slap him senseless and then some.
 
  (Steve Davis, Austin Chronicle)
 
 It’s buried by several false assumptions, the main one being that anyone in Britain cares for charmless, charisma-free American TV comic David Spade, a vacuum at the movie’s heart where a lead actor should be.
 
  (David Gritten, Daily Telegraph)
 
 Maudlin, mirthless drivel from the Dream Factory's nightmare annexe.
 
  (Nigel Andrews, Financial Times)
 
 Stale schmaltz.
 
  (Edward Porter, Sunday Times)
 
 The film is about as funny as being given a lift by a suicide bomber on his way to work.
 
 (Philip French, Observer)
 
 Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is executive-produced by Adam Sandler and bears many of the hallmarks of that comic colossus: a love of sadistic humour, vast amounts of smutty misogyny interspersed with moments of gut-wrenching sentimentality, and a leading actor (in this case, David Spade) with no charm or plausibility whatsoever.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon (2011)
The absolutely best Transformers yet! Bigger, better, best! Terrific storytelling and non-stop action from start to finish! This is the movie event of the summer!…. This is why we go to 3D films!
 
 A work of ineffable soullessness and persistent moral idiocy.
 
 (Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune)
 
 The picture isn’t just poorly written, with streams of cliché that one can only hope are intended as send-ups of wretched dialogue, but also badly shot and edited.
 
 (Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion)
 
 A visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I've had at the movies.
 
 (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 One small step for action movies, one giant leap into the abyss of mindlessness.
 
 (Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
 
 In which director Michael Bay perpetrates another junkyard fiasco that turns the volume up to 11 and the IQ to -1.
 
 (Anthony Quinn, Independent)
 
 The ethos is perfectly captured in a scene where Ms Huntington-Whiteley poses next to a classic car, and the camera explores her body while another character waxes lyrical about the curves of the chassis. It’s a hi-tech Benny Hill Show, minus the laughs.
 
 (Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)
 
 
 
 
We Were Soldiers (2002)
A must-see film for our time and all time! One of the best war films ever made…a powerful message about heroism, survival and integrity.
Possession (2002)
The most romantic film of the year! Absolutely phenomenal. Gwyneth Paltrow gives us yet another terrific performance as does Aaron Eckhart in an Oscar-worthy star turn.
Die Another Day (2002)
One of the Best Bond Films Ever!
I Spy (2002)
A must-see laugh-riot! Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson are perfect!
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
More fun than the original! This is one summer movie that will make you smile – from start to finish!
Secondhand Lions (2003)
Truly first-rate family entertainment! A heartwarming and deeply touching story, full of humor and strong performances.
The Fighting Temptations (2003)
A rollicking, knee-slapping musical fun fest! I loved it!
The Last Samurai (2003)
An amazing cinematic wonder! A phenomenal achievement! It’s that rare film that combines a sweeping, heroic epic with an intimate, extremely poignant personal story of love, honor and tenderness.
Be Cool (2005)
Red hot!
Red Dragon (2002)
Delightfully frightening! Anthony Hopkins does it again - better than ever! A true must-see!
A Man Apart (2003)
Great action from start to finish. Powerful and totally gripping.
 
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