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  Tank Malling (1988)
     
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Ray Winstone plays Malling, who may look like a yob but is a top reporter. "I'm a top reporter," he says. Tank is also, in the felicitous words of sensuous high-class prostitute Helen (Amanda Donohoe) "the man they couldn't gag". This is a pity, since Tank's dialogue is not up to much: "I'm a reporter, Salena, and I believe wiv every particle of my being that the little people out there deserve to know the troof".
Pitted against tongue-tied Tank is the Evil Establishment, led by silky-smooth Sir Robert (Peter Wyngarde), who preaches moral revival, but in private life arranges orgies for the upper classes ("More brandy, bishop?"). Other baddies include Cashman (Glen Murphy), alias the Soho Ripper, a sadistic killer with a remarkable talent for slashing tarts - sorry, women - a dozen times or more, then walking out without a speck of blood on him. And there's a Himmler lookalike (Jason Connery), who says terrible things like "I will drag you to the abyss of despair and throw you in, ha, ha, ha,ha!"
Throughout, writer-director James Marcus's naivety makes the works of Daisy Ashford seem like the last word in sophistication. His inattention to detail would be sad, were it not laughable. The plot has the air of having being scrawled on a succession of beermats, several of which have got lost.
Other movies have been as incompetently scripted, crudely directed and badly acted; but, in view of the way Tank Malling combines all these qualities with grotesque sexism, gratuitous violence and subnormal intelligence, there can be little doubt that this marks an all-time-low in cinema.
(Chris Tookey, Daily Mail)

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